Jesus died for my sins

OK, so I was standing in front of Dino's last night (in Yellow Springs), smoking a cigarette, when an attractive young lady approached me and asked if I wouldn't mind answering some questions. She warned me that it was kind of personal stuff, in case that would make a difference. I told her to go ahead.

The girl introduced herself as Carissa, I believe, at which point I introduced myself as Ryan. After the introduction, she said she and her male companion (who was still inside Dino's at this point) were from Cedarville University. By now I pretty much knew what was coming because Cedarville is a Christian school (Baptist, I believe).

Carissa asked me if I had any strong beliefs regarding God and spirituality and whatnot, to which I answered, "Yeah, I have very strong beliefs, but I'm always open to the possibility that I may be wrong, and my beliefs may change if I see evidence suggesting I am wrong." She then asked me to reveal my beliefs. Like usual, when confronted with such a task, I was not exactly prepared to explain my beliefs because I don't think about it a lot. That is, I don't go around trying to convince people to believe what I believe, so I don't keep all the justification for my beliefs hovering around in the easy-access zones of my brain.

I guess it's kind of like trying to explain my bedroom or something. My bedroom is what it is, and I don't have to think about it much, nor do I have to memorize things about it or have faith in it; I just sleep in it. And if someone asked me to describe why I don't feel my bedroom is some kind of mystical place, I wouldn't know where to start. Similarly, my beliefs regarding God and spirituality come from what I see, what I experience, and also what I don't see or experience. In other words, there is absolutely no evidence pointing toward the existence of a god, so I don't think about it much, nor do I spend any time trying to rationalize my clearly rational stance. So, unprepared to explain why I don't believe there is a god, I told Carissa something to the effect of, "I just don't see it (God)."

I told her I do my best to treat people right. Not because someone told me to or because some book told me to, but because I believe that's the right way to live. I figured that out on my own, and I think that's a lot better than doing it only because you've been ordered to do it. I know I don't always succeed, but I honestly try to treat everyone how I would like to be treated. And when I fail, it's in my nature to punish myself pretty harshly. The best part about my way of living is that it's inherently sincere. (This paragraph alone makes God meaningless, whether he exists or not.)

But that is not the point of this entry. It was just the introduction--an establishing shot.

During my conversation with Carissa, she asked me some questions regarding how I feel about gifts and giving. For example, when someone gives me a gift (which doesn't necessarily need to be a physical thing), do I feel obligated to reciprocate the gesture or repay the gift giver? Or when I give someone a gift, do I tend to expect something in return for what I've given them?

I told her that when I receive gifts or favors, I do feel somewhat obligated to reciprocate the gesture, but I don't believe the gift giver should automatically expect anything in return. I mean, they had a choice: Either give a gift or don't give a gift. No one made them do it, and no one made them not do it. Similarly, I told her that if I choose to give someone a gift or do them a favor, I have no reason to expect anything in return. If I have chosen to give someone a gift, I have done it according to my own free will, out of the goodness of my heart, and I would be an asshole to expect any kind of repayment in return for my gesture. If that doesn't make sense to you, please ask me to elaborate.

Soon enough she got to the "Jesus died for your sins" spiel. Yeah, I've heard it a million times. Whatever. However, unlike everyone who has ever said "Jesus died for your sins" in my presence, she actually made some sense of it. For once, it was not just a meaningless, parroted talking point.

How did she make sense of it?

She likened Jesus's life to the gift question. She said Jesus led a perfect life, a life without sin, specifically for people like us. As a gift to us, he paid for our inevitable sins with his life. If we accept his gift by letting him into our hearts and by repenting (or something like that), then our inherent sins will be forgiven and we will receive another gift: eternal life in heaven with God. But if we don't accept his gift, forget about it.

Now, I know I have not recapped her explanation very well, so this may not all add up. In fact, it's not even adding up to me right now, although last night I felt like I had a pretty good grasp of the point she was trying to make. (I can hang with the idea that Jesus gave me a gift, but I don't see how acceptance of that gift is grounds for another gift. Is Jesus expecting a return on the gift I didn't ask for or what?) Hopefully I'll remember some of the details and revise this so it does make sense.

Until then, let's just pretend it all makes sense.

So why shouldn't I give my heart to Jesus? Why shouldn't I believe in a god? Why shouldn't I believe it's impossible for me not to sin? Why shouldn't I change my mind and join her religion?

Because even though this explanation may make sense, it's all based on premises that don't make sense. For me to believe her story, I must first believe that a god exists, even though there is absolutely no evidence. I must first believe that Jesus actually was the son of that god. I must ignore the reality of the life I've lived for almost 33 years and blindly choose to believe that all the ridiculous stories about Jesus could have actually happened. I must ignore the reality that most of the stories about Jesus were written by people who weren't there to witness his life, supposing he actually ever lived.

It all comes down to this: To believe her explanation, I must ignore reality and believe fantasy. Sorry, not interested.

During our conversation, Carissa said some other things that caught my interest. One was the belief that all humans sin, that we're all imperfect and there is no way to avoid sinning. Sometimes we just can't help it, yet other times we do it even though we know it's wrong. If we accept Jesus into our lives, however, all our sins will be forgiven, regardless of whether we knew our actions were wrong.

Um, I don't buy it. Like I said, I try my best to be a decent human being, and I don't always succeed. No matter how hard I try, I know I will still occasionally fail to meet my own self-defined standards of decency. Would I say it's impossible, though?

No.

Yes.

I don't know. But I don't pretend to know, either.

Aside from not buying into the automatic forgiveness thing, I also think it is dangerous, stupid, and irresponsible to believe all your sins will be forgiven. If you believe in that bullshit, it just opens the door for you to do whatever you want. You know your sins will be forgiven, just because you accepted Jesus's mysterious gift, so why even bother trying not to sin?

The scary thing about that question: That's exactly the kind of behavior I see from almost all so-called Christians. They have no conscience because their religion allows them to have no conscience. They have no conscience because their religion encourages them to have no conscience.

Well, my "no religion" doesn't allow me to live without a conscience, nor does my No God. In fact, my conscience punishes me a million times harsher than any religion or god ever could, and my sincerity punishes me a million times harsher than any religion or god ever could. Furthermore, I pay penalties for smaller things that most people would never even consider sins, like that one time when I didn't wave or smile at the old lady walking down the street as I turned out of my driveway. Yeah, I felt real shitty about that one, even though she probably never thought twice about it. I felt shitty immediately following the missed opportunity for a random act of kindness because I hold myself to some pretty lofty standards, and I'll never get over the fact that I can't go back and redo it. And no one ever forced me (or even suggested to me) that I should lead this kind of life. I figured it out on my own.

After thinking about this stuff (and lots of related stuff) for many hours both last night and today, an idea has come to me. Now before I reveal this idea, I want to make it very clear that I do not necessarily intend to act on the idea. In fact, I do not expect to act on the idea, either. It is simply a hypothetical situation relating to the differences and similarities between my life's guiding principles and Carissa's guiding principles.

So what's my idea?

I should try to get Carissa in the sack with me. Yeah, I should try to get me some of that.

Now before you go getting pissed off at me or accusing me of trying to take advantage of the girl, consider a few things. First of all, I'm not that kind of dude. Even if I wanted to take advantage of her, I probably couldn't allow myself to do it because I respect her both as a person and as a woman. I'm not going to lie; I think about pussy nonstop, just like every other heterosexual guy does. But there is a HUGE difference between thinking about pussy all the time (which is completely natural) and actively pursuing women solely for the purpose of "conning" them into unwanted sex.

Here's why I should try to get Carissa nekkid:

First of all, her rules are more permissive than mine. She knows it would be a sin for her to have sex with me, but she also knows her sins will be forgiven. She already told me there have been times in her life where she has consciously chosen to commit acts she knew were sins, although she was not specific about what those sins were. I'd imagine a few of them are pretty easy to guess: She has probably allowed herself to hate; she has probably lusted; she has probably been jealous; she has probably killed bugs or other pests. She may have even had [pre-marital] sex; I won't speculate. But regardless of whether she has had sex or not, and even though she knows it would be a sin for her to have sex before marriage, she can do it if she wants because she will be forgiven.

Now consider some of the principles I've chosen to live by. I'll try to keep it short.

Dating back to my teenage years, promiscuity has been a major turn-off for me. I don't think promiscuity is inherently wrong or a sin or anything like that; it's just not what I seek in a prospective partner because it is indicative of a personality that does not consider consequences. Conversely, unforced non-promiscuous sexual behavior (or abstinence or celibacy) indicates a personality that does consider consequences. It indicates a thoughtful, trustworthy personality. It says, "You can rest assured that this person will never cheat on you, either sexually or emotionally, because she (or he) has been true to you even before she (or he) ever knew you existed." I happen to find that attractive in a prospective mate. (And no, I am not bisexual.)

Now, if I want to find someone who leads that kind of life, shouldn't I lead that kind of life myself?

Yes, I should. So I have.

Needless to say, my dick has spent most of its life in my pants. I don't care if people think I'm a total wuss for living that way or admitting it; I happen to respect myself immensely for showing such restraint and for not stealing anyone else's self-respect. And I know my actions have made me a good catch. Too bad no one else seems to realize it.

But you know what? I'll be 33 next month and I'm way overdue for some fucking pussy!!! There comes a time when you start realizing that maybe your honorable actions never meant shit. Maybe I'm just stupid. Maybe all it means is that I'm a fucking loser who hasn't had any pussy for years and, as a result, I have no idea how to get it. Or maybe it means I'm just days or months from being rewarded for my patience, my good behavior, and all the other stuff. Maybe I'm about to meet my soul mate. Maybe I met her Wednesday. Or maybe I met her on 11/2/2004. How the fuck would I know?!?

But that is not the point. My point is that I should try to get me some of that because her guiding principles allow it and my principles seem to have been proven pointless or wrong. I have been a very good boy for way too long, and I think I deserve something for it, on the condition that I don't hurt anyone. And I just may give it a try.

Maybe there is something else to be learned from this hypothetical experiment. Maybe I should try it because it will ultimately end up showing that I am too decent to go through with it. Or maybe she'll end up putting the moves on me. Maybe by trying it I'll end up finding a good friend in her, or a soul mate. Who knows?

All I know is that if Carissa walked up to me right now and indicated that she wanted to do me, I would fuck her fucking brains out. And I wouldn't regret it, either, because I deserve it.

Jesus died for Aimless's sins.

Another one gone

My dad just got back from the vet's, where he picked up Homer after having him fixed. He told me that before he left he accidentally ran over one of the outdoor cats. (I don't think I've ever mentioned this here, but we have kind of a "cat colony," with most of the cats living outside.) It was Mickey, or as I called him, Fart. Dad said he died pretty quickly.

He was a sweet little guy, a little over a year old. Kind of annoying sometimes because he would always get on my lap and sneeze when I tried to smoke in peace, but a sweet dude nontheless.

Like most of the other outdoor cats, I made it a point not to get too close to him emotionally because I've seen too many cats come and go over the years. It's a defense mechanism I use because I have a hard time dealing with animal deaths. But I still loved him and I'll still miss him. Poor little guy.

I love you, Fart. Goodbye.

Aimless

Gonna try being social

Last Tuesday I mentioned that the vision in my right eye seemed to be getting better. Well, I was wrong. After Tuesday my vision went downhill once again, giving me double vision, headaches, and nausea all the way through Sunday.

I tried a couple new things Monday--some logical things most people would probably never think of in this age of worthless miracle pills. The first thing I did was make a conscious decision to keep my glasses off as much as possible. I figured my lens might be part of the problem, especially because the symptoms seem to worsen as each day progresses. Then, later in the day, I made a conscious effort to drink as much water as possible. For all I know, my problem might just be dehydration. To gauge how much water I was drinking, I filled one of those old rectangular orange juice jugs.

Since Monday my vision has been better. I don't know if it's good yet, but so far it is better. I don't know if it has anything to do with drinking more water or wearing my glasses less. I don't know if it has anything to do with the toxic batch of dextroamphetamine I stopped taking a week ago. All I know is that my vision seems to be better the last couple days, and I hope I'll continue in that direction.

So I think I'm going to head Yellow Springs ways today for the first time in almost two months. Gonna look for Arianna Huffington's new book, On Becoming Fearless.... in Love, Work, and Life, before heading to Dino's. Maybe I'll finally meet Dave or something.

In a comment regarding my medication, on I'm not dead yet, Jay said:

The "zombie" feeling has to be your body chemistry, which your meds would play a huge factor in. You need to get adjusted to meds, and sometimes it takes several weeks to get adjusted.

My response: Dexedrine and Adderall don't work like that; they are not mood altering mindfuck drugs like Zoloft and all the other anti-depressants. These two drugs are SPEED, and they start working from the moment you take them. (Yes, I take speed every day. I take it because it's good for my brain.) Then, eight hours later, they start wearing off. Kinda like smoking a doobie, but nothing like smoking a doobie.

Aimless

I have a voice

I went out and voted just after noon today. Took a small camcorder with me, to document any potential shenanigans, but I can't say I saw anything that stood out as unusual or unlawful. Additionally, I only had to wait about ten minutes, probably because I am a white person in a white precinct (or district or whatever).

Something interesting did happen, though. After an election official led me to the new touchscreen voting machine and set it up for me to vote, she began the process for me, skipping past a page I assume was instructions on how to do everything correctly. I immediately told her I would like to see the page because it was meant for my eyes and because I prefer to read instructions before beginning important tasks that depend on such instructions, but apparently it was impossible to return to the page. After she tried for about 20 seconds, I told her not to worry about it.

Although this probably was not a very significant issue, I wish I'd had the camera rolling at that moment because, in reality, something like that could cause major problems. I mean, there are surely a lot of voters who need to see that page. It's there for a reason, and I know she should not have done what she did. I know that if she was properly trained, she was not trained to skip that page without my consent. The scary thing is that I have no reason to believe she was properly trained. But if she was, we have some real problems aside from voter irregularities, voter suppression, rigged machines, and all the other real (and documented) threats to the integrity of our elections that most people still don't seem to know about.

I started touching the names of my preferred candidates when it occurred to me that I should videotape everything I do. I then took the camera out of my jacket pocket and turned it on before continuing with the remainder of my votes. I did this because I'd heard enough stories about people touching one candidate's name and subsequently watching their vote jump to the opponent's name. Having a rational distrust of our government and our elections, I felt the need to keep a record of anything strange that may have happened with my vote.

As far as I know, nothing strange happened to my votes. And in case you're wondering, here's how I voted: I voted for the Democrat in every race; I voted Yes to raise Ohio's minimum wage; I voted Yes on the Smoke Less Ohio issue; I voted No on the Smoke Free issue; and I voted No for the Southwestern City Schools' income tax proposal.

Normally I believe it is irresponsible and stupid when people vote "across the page" for either party, but we're living in strange days right now. I'm no fan of Democrats, OK. In fact, I'm no fan of any politician I know of. But the Republicans are just blatantly fucking corrupt, and we need to fire as many of those assholes as we can today because they are tearing apart the United States of America in every way possible. They've proven it over and over, and it's time for them to face the consequences. Enough said.

So while I was voting, one of the election officials asked me if I wouldn't mind stepping aside to talk to her when I was finished voting (obviously because I was taping everything I did). I had no problem with that. So when I was done, she asked me what the camera was for. I said something to the effect of, "I've heard plenty of stories about how people's votes have changed right in front of their eyes on these touchscreen machines, and I brought the camera as a sort of insurance. I don't trust these machines, and if it had happened to me, I would have evidence." She then asked me if I was associated with any group or anything. I said, "I'm an American citizen. This is all me; it has nothing to do with anyone else. I'm just a regular guy."

Moments after I left the polling place, it occurred to me that I should have taped my short conversation with her. I had the camera in my hand as I participated in a potentially important and meaningful exchange of information, but I chose to leave the power off. And I learned something from it, just like I learned something from not taping the earlier incident.

By voting today, I learned some valuable lessons about making a documentary. Lessons I really needed to learn. Lessons that will help me avoid making the same mistakes when I hit the road to make Aimless. Lessons that will someday help me recognize good stuff in time to capture it on tape. It also showed me how uncomfortable I may become at times when I finally do begin making Aimless, and it should prepare me to handle these situations better in the future.

I have a lot to learn. I know that much. I never tried to pretend I'm an expert or anything like that. But little things like going out to vote can be valuable learning tools; a lot more valuable than school. This is real-world school, and I can't wait to start using my education to create Aimless.

Let the healing begin

It's been three days since my best little buddy Pinky went away forever, and it's beginning to hurt a little less. Not that it will ever stop hurting, but I have to accept the reality that he has moved out of my physical life and now resides in my heart and my memory.

We buried Pinky Sunday afternoon in a special place. I put a few things in his box that belong with him, including a bottle of cat treats, his feeding dish, and a little note. I sure do miss him.

There is so much I want to say about Pinky, and I may do it soon enough (mostly for myself), but it's not very easy to do right now.

I love you, Pinky.

Aimless

Sorrow in my heart

My best buddy Pinky is gone. He died at about 5:00 this morning, peacefully. I've shed many tears in the last five hours, and I'll shed many more in the days and weeks to come because I have so much love for the beautiful boy. So much love.

I love you so much, Pinky, and I'll never forget you.

Good workers are easy to find

Last night my mom said something about how hard it is to find good workers, echoing what one might expect to hear from a hiring manager or a failing small business owner. As always, when I hear such completely ridiculous statements, I speak my mind.

I said, defensively, "No, it's NOT hard to find good workers." I then repeated her statement, adding some of the conditions that her ilk so often forget to consider when making such ignorant claims: "It's hard to find good workers who allow you to rip them off. It's hard to find good workers when you only pay $6 or $7 an hour." I continued, "If it is so hard to find good workers, then I should be getting at least a hundred calls a day from people looking for good workers."

As someone who would like to be (and should be) the owner of a small, independent pizzeria, I am 100 percent confident that I would have no problem finding, hiring, and keeping good workers. How do I know? Because I understand economics.

Now, I'm not necessarily talking about money when I say economics. When I say economics, I'm talking about the relationship between what one gives and what one receives in return. It can be money, but it can also be labor, information, services, love, or a million other things.

From now on, let's just pretend I already own a small pizzeria, which I expect to open in the coming month.

As the owner of a new pizzeria, I must invest in a lot of different things, with no guarantee of a return, before I can even think about opening the doors for business. I must develop a pizza that people will want to eat. I must offer edible side items, salads, subs, drinks, desserts, and other menu items. I must purchase adequate equipment. I must think of effective marketing strategies and spend quite a bit of money to impliment these strategies.

I must ask myself countless questions (with the first two from the target customers' perspective):

1) Why should I try your pizzeria instead of my usual pizzeria?
2) What do you offer that I can't get from my usual place?
3) How do I get people in the door for the first time?
4) How do I get people to come back?

There are hundreds more questions I must ask myself, but I'll stop here.

And the answers?

1) You should try "Ryan's Imaginary Pizzeria" because I'll make it easy for you. I am so confident that you will love our pizza, I offer a money-back guarantee. If our pizza is not the best pizza you've ever had, or if we are unable to replace your pizza with the best pizza you've ever had, I'll give you your money back. Every cent. Furthermore, if we fail to provide the best service you've ever experienced, I'll give you your money back. Every cent. Our goal is to provide every customer the most incredible dining experience possible, and I want to prove it to you by putting my money where my mouth is. You should not expect anything less from anyone. (**See explanation below.)

2) As I already said, we offer the best pizza on the planet. Now, anyone can make that claim, but do you know of any other pizzeria that offers a money-back guarantee if their pizza is not the best on the planet? Didn't think so. But here's what else we offer: A clean dining room; friendly people and great service; genuine smiles; fantastic subs, sides, salads, and desserts; community support; reasonable prices; passion for making the best food; safe delivery drivers; a wide open kitchen that shows you how much care we put into preparing your meal (as opposed to hiding behind a wall and using less-than-sanitary practices like you've grown accustomed to with other pizza places). Is that enough, because I can go on if you need more reasons to try us?

3) I get people to try us, first of all, by implimenting Risk Reversal marketing strategies such as the money-back guarantee. Of course, we must distribute thousands of pieces of our marketing materials before we can expect anyone to know we even exist. Another way to get people in the door is by sending out some free pizza postcards. If it costs me $3 in food cost to attract a family of four and convert them into lifetime customers, I'd say I'm making out pretty good. Additionally, these strategies create extensive word-of-mouth marketing.

4) Here's how I get people to come back: I serve them the best pizza they've ever tasted and I treat them like they rule because they do rule! They don't need "Ryan's Imaginary Pizzeria;" "Ryan's Imaginary Pizzeria" needs them. Same thing with employees.

These are not complete answers, but they are rational answers and they are the right answers. If you want to critique what I've said, don't look at it from a prospective pizzeria owner's point of view. Instead, look at it from a prospective customer's point of view. If you do, you should start to get it. But if you just keep thinking what people have always told you, then you will never understand. Similarly, you'll also never understand why more than 90 percent of new restaurants fail within a couple years of opening.

**If you doubt that a money-back guarantee would be effective, you're simply wrong. You think everyone will just come in and eat their meal, then ask for their money back, right? Wrong. It doesn't happen. Here's what does happen, though: People try your pizzeria instead of their usual pizzeria because you have made it easy for them. How do I know? Case studies. If you want to find out more about it, look up Kamron Karington.

Pretty long digression, eh? What was I talking about? Oh yeah, how to find good workers and keep them. So how is it done?

Just like you invested in your store space, your equipment, your marketing materials, your furnishings, your utility bills, etc., you must also INVEST in employees. You get what you pay for, and you only get what you give. If you pay superstars like chumps, they either work like chumps or they quit. It's not them; it's you!

If someone's labor earns me, the pizzeria owner, $50 an hour because they bust their ass, treat customers right (creating customer loyalty), attract new customers, and all that good stuff, why the hell would I pay that person $7 an hour? Why would I pay him or her less than $15 an hour or $20 an hour? Hey don't ask me, because I wouldn't do it.

But just about everyone else does. And when they do, they lose their moneymaker, either to another employer who will pay reasonable wages or to complacency and apathy.

Good workers absolutely are not hard to find. Good bosses are!

Aimless

A little less dead, perhaps

All of a sudden my right eye seems to be working better. Right now I can see very clearly when I cover my left eye. I'm not sure if both of my eyes are working together yet, but at this moment I can see clearly with my right eye.

I have taken very small dextroamphetamine doses the last three days (Sunday-Tuesday). Coincidentally, my vision was at its poorest Saturday, which is the last day I took a normal dose.

Is it cause and effect? I don't know, but right now I feel it's pretty safe to assume all of my recent problems resulted from a dangerous (if not toxic) batch of dextroamphetamine, manufactured by Barr Pharmaceuticals.

Will my vision be better tomorrow? We'll see.

Aimless

I'm not dead yet

I went to the head doctor today, like I do every two months, to get a new dexedrine (dextroamphetamine) prescription. Told the doc about all my recent problems, starting off by saying I've been a zombie since the day I opened my most recent prescription, then mentioning the sudden vision problems and the overall disfunction (or dysfunction?) that has accompanied the vision problems. As a result, I learned a little bit about the prescription drug industry and the fuckfaces who regulate it (the FDA, I think).

Perhaps naively, I figured generic drugs must meet the same quality control standards as brand name drugs. Not true. Manufacturers of generic drugs can basically do whatever they want and make prescription drugs that don't work, if that's what they feel like doing. So apparently that's what they do sometimes.

The doc told me lots of patients complain about generic dexedrine not working. The problem is not that all of it is bad stuff; the problem is that it is occasionally bad stuff. Being accustomed to getting what they've paid for (as the law should require), people freak out when their new prescription doesn't work right. Then, like me, they have to figure out whether they want to risk it happening again or if they want to try something new (and probably more expensive).

Can you believe that in the United States of America, in the 21st century, you can't even trust that your prescription drugs are made right?!? And this isn't some new, untested drug, either. It's something that was developed a long, long time ago and has withstood the test of time.

So I should just pay a little more for the brand-name stuff, right? Yeah, I thought so, too. However, they stopped making it in June of this year, and they're never going to make it again.

So today I had two options: 1) Get another generic dexedrine prescription and hope this time it's the real thing; or 2) Try Adderall, which I guess is essentially the same thing as real dexedrine (and for which I could get a free 30-day trial prescription). I chose the Adderall option because the last two months have been a fucking hell for me. I won't take any until tomorrow, and I hope it makes a difference.

One last thing: Fuck you, Barr Pharmaceuticals (aka Barr Laboratories, aka Barr Labs), for manufacturing and distributing drugs you know don't work. You can bet I'll spread the word about your shady business practices because there are consequences when you fuck people over. I may be one seemingly harmless person, but I am also a vengeful motherfucker when I need to be. I assure you that the crusade I'm about to begin will shrink your bottom line, you greedy fucks.

Aimless

Pizza! The Movie now available

After venturing over to the Pizza! The Movie web site yesterday, I noticed that Michael Dorian (aka Cat Price Productions) is now selling copies of the movie. (Betty, you showed some interest in securing a copy a few months ago, so I thought you might want to know about this.) I didn't look closely at the details, but I suspect it's only available on DVD, I believe for $20 plus $3 for shipping.

I'm guessing the movie has not received as much interest from distributors as Michael had hoped for, which is why he has started selling it via the web site. But who knows; I could be wrong.

I intend to say a lot more about the pizza movie in the next day or two, supposing I don't die first (or go blind), so keep an eye out.

Aimless

Is it my brain?

Right now, even with the brand new prescription lens levitating in front of my right eye, I cannot read this computer screen from less than three feet away using only my right eye. The left eye still works fine, and I could see reasonably clearly with my right eye just two days ago, but I can't see shit with it right now. This is not only frustrating; it's also getting kind of scary.

As I mentioned a couple days ago, the doc says both of my eyes are in fine condition physically. So is the problem in my brain or what? What else could it be if it's not my eyes and it's not my brain?

Aimless and sightless

Animator wanted

It's about time to mention voice-overs again, so here I go.

For anyone not reading this blog on a regular basis, I want to do voice-overs, particularly for cartoons. I talk about it every week or two in hopes of attracting the attention of someone who may be looking for good, new voices with personality, like Trey Parker, Matt Stone, Seth Green, or anyone else looking for the right people to help them put together some kind of kick-ass project requiring extensive voice-overs.

Because I know it is highly unlikely that I will be able to attract the attention of famous cartoon/animation producers such as those listed above, I have been brainstorming to come up with my own cartoon ideas. Having thought about it for a while, I have some very good (and ridiculously funny) plot/theme ideas bouncing around in my head. However, since I am not an animator or a visual artist, I realize it's not likely that I will be able to create a cartoon by myself. So, in addition to pimping myself to these famous cartoon makers, I am also on the lookout for beginning and up-and-coming animators willing to create something for fun or for their portfolios. If you may be interested, contact me.

Trey Parker, Matt Stone, Seth Green: In the unlikely event that you find and read this blog entry, I'd like to contribute a voice or a noise or some kind of vocal effect to one of your shows. I guarantee you'll like what I do, and I'm willing to do it for free to get my foot in the door. I'm not looking for attention, fame, or glory; I'm just looking for an opportunity to do something I'm good at. And a beer. Yeah, I think you'll have to buy me a beer, too. Just not a Sam Adams because The Boston Beer Company is stupid.

I'm living a lie. I'm Aimless.

It's so easy

This sucks. For some reason I have the song "Easy Lover" stuck in my head. You know, that duet by Phil Collins and the dude from Earth, Wind, & Fire.

Don't ask me how it got there. I haven't even heard it since who knows when. It's just there. And I have to deal with it until it chooses to go away.

Aimless like Sunday morning

Who loves pizza?

You do?

That's what I thought.

Well, you're in luck because I have pizza pages for you. If you want to learn how to make the best pizza you've ever tasted, visit the Aimless pizza page. But if you just want to talk about pizza--your favorite pizza place, an unusual pizza experience, or anything else you have on your mind about pizza--please go to the Aimless Forums, where I have just added a pizza category.

Pizza and Aimless... MMMmmmmmmm!

Misdirected hostility

A lot of Americans are fed up with illegal immigration from Mexico. Some view the mass immigration as a threat to their job prospects while others see it as a threat to their job security. They think it is wrong that illegal immigrants are able to come to the United States and secure jobs without surrendering a fair share of their paychecks for income taxes, social security, or any of the other standard deductions. They think it's wrong that Mexicans are able to snatch up the jobs many Americans would like to have, like construction jobs, factory jobs, and other blue collar jobs. They think it's wrong that such immigration continues (and will continue) to threaten the livelihood of the American worker.

And they're right. But they are pissed off at the wrong people.

Illegal immigration is not the problem; it is merely a symptom. The real problem is that the United States government turns a blind eye toward the criminals who hire undocumented aliens.

For those who may be unaware, it is illegal to employ illegal aliens. It is also illegal for employers to pay any of their employees less than minimum wage. And it is illegal for employers to evade payroll taxes by paying employees under the table. There are so many serious labor laws and safety laws that go unenforced in the practice of employing illegal laborers, I can't even begin to paint a reasonably clear picture.

And y'all want to blame illegal immigrants, who are only trying to take advantage of opportunities provided by our corrupt government?!?

If our elected officials would only prosecute and punish the dangerous, treasonous criminals who employ illegal aliens, illegal immigration would cease to be a problem because there would no longer be ANY economic incentive for prospective immigrants to enter the United States illegally. However, due to the fact that these dangerous corporate criminals also happen to be the major funders of political campaigns, such prosecution would be political suicide. (Anyone else see a conflict of interest here?) So rather than addressing the real problem, our elected public officials instead choose to talk about fences and border patrol because we Americans, collectively, are too stupid and bigoted to hold them accountable for their complicity.

And in case you didn't know, complicity to serious crimes is a criminal act itself. (Ironically, with the US government being a representative democracy and everything, this means the American people are just as guilty as the politicians and corporate thieves because we continue to elect criminals who allow other criminals to victimize us.)

Aimless

Blind faith

The term "blind faith" is redundant. By definition, faith requires believing something that cannot be seen or sensed or supported by concrete evidence.

Faith is the antithesis of proof.

Please have no faith in Aimless.

These eyes

As I've mentioned in two recent blog entries, my right eye has gone goofy on me. As of last Saturday, the eye just kind of stopped functioning correctly. Since then it has caused me lots of grief.

Well, as I watched TV last night without my glasses, I decided to check each eye's vision by blocking one eye at a time with my hand. Strangely, with my glasses off, I could see better with my right eye than with my left. Considering the fact that my vision was pretty much the same in each eye until recently, both with and without glasses, this didn't seem to make much sense.

So I went to see the eye doctor this morning. Everything relating to the health of my eyes is fine. I have no serious eye problems.

In the two and a half years since my last visit, the vision in my left eye has not changed. No surprise. But, as was clear to me several days ago, the vision in my right eye has changed considerably. I think the doctor said there is now more astigmatism than before. I'll take his word for it.

After my exam, I waited for them to cut me a new lens. Now, hours later, my brain is still getting used to the seemingly distorted information my eye is sending. But even though I know it may take a couple days before my brain starts interpreting things correctly, I don't feel like the whole problem has been solved. For example, when I hold my hand in front of my left eye, these words are still a little blurred in my right eye. It's way better than it was last night, but it's still not as good as my left eye.

I guess I'll just have to give it a few days.

The biggest question is: Why did this seem to happen almost overnight? Maybe it had already been a problem for quite a while but I just did not recognize it consciously until Saturday. Then, after becoming conscious of the problem, I began focusing on it constantly. I really don't know why it seemed to happen so suddenly, and maybe I won't figure it out.

Aimless

CBJ NOT for real!

Boy was I wrong about the Blue Jackets. They fucking suck! They've been shut out in two of their last four games, all of which were blowouts. Even in the two games in which they did score, they didn't score much. And they give up five goals almost every game.

This team is way too talented to be blown out every game. Nevertheless, they can't pass the puck or even control it. It seems like they're always chasing the puck, even when they're on the power play, which was most evident the night they gave up two short-handed goals. And they don't take care of the puck in their own end, which leads to turnovers and immediate uncontested goals. Pathetic.

I'm certainly a CBJ fan, but these guys blow ass right now. There should be a law that says people must refer to the team as the "Shitty Blue Jackets" unless they have a winning record.

In other news, I've been wanting to post more frequently, but this vision problem has kept me from thinking clearly. I know there are a ton of things I'd like to write about, but even existing ideas tend to elude you when your head hurts and you constantly feel like you're about to barf.

The Shitty Blue Jackets are Aimless

Doorway to the soul

One night about ten days ago I got something in my right eye, or so I thought. It felt like an eyelash or a small, harmless piece of random debris. I figured if I just kept blinking, the debris would naturally find its way out of my eye and everything would soon be back to normal.

It didn't happen.

For seven or eight days following the initial bout with the eye irritant, I continued feeling this uncomfortable sensation. The irritation was not constant; sometimes I felt it and other times I didn't. Sometime after the first day or two, I concluded that it must be a minor injury to the inside of my eyelid or something, and I waited for it to heal.

The irritation went away sometime Friday, but I began experiencing something different yesterday (Saturday). As of yesterday, the vision in my right eye is considerably worse than it was just the day before. As I sit here now, with my glasses on, I feel as though someone removed my right lens but kept the left lens in place.

This is not cool. I have felt nauseous, confused, and uncoordinated for much (or most) of the last two days. It is also giving me headaches.

I don't know what to think right now because I've never experienced or heard of anything like this before. I've been looking through a book that describes illnesses and medical issues, but so far I haven't found anything that matches what I've been experiencing. For all I know, I might end up blind in my right eye by next weekend.

What's worse than all this shit, though, is that my sweet little Pinkyman seems to be in his final days. He pukes almost everything he eats, and he's become eerily skinny. I've been fortunate to have him around for as long as 4-1/2 years, considering he has feline leukemia (and other health issues), but I'm not ready to lose him yet. I love the little guy so much.

Some pics of the beautiful guy:

Pinky in love.
Pinky really in love.
Pinky still in love.
Pinky done being in love.
I'll be away for a while, Pinky.
Pinky doesn't take shit from anyone.

I love you, Pinky.

Aimless

Questions

I don't know where I'll end up taking this entry. Based on the title (it had a different title when I wrote the rest of this sentence), I could write pages of randomly organized thoughts, but that would probably be pretty difficult to follow. Basically I'm just trying to write something because it has been a couple days. And even though my mind produces millions of blog-worthy ideas each day, these ideas always seem to vacate shortly before I get around to writing about them.

OK, so why does honesty and selflessness freak people out so much? Why are people so quick to make you their enemy when you don't completely agree with them? When you contribute to some kind of rhetorical argument by presenting both support and criticism for each side of the argument, why do people feel so compelled to ignore everything you said in favor of their perspective and present your words out of context in an attempt to make you look like an asshole?

Why are people so hateful and manipulative?

Aimless Aimless Aimless Aimless

Life is just a fantasy

(Can you live this fantasy life?)

Usually when I comment on someone else's blog or message boards I include Aimless's URL in my signature. Such was the case yesterday when I commented on Barbara Ehrenreich's latest blog entry. I admit that not a lot of people follow my links to Aimless, but I must have said something really good yesterday because more than a handful have already made their way here from Barbara's blog.

Last night when I noticed that people were following my link, I checked out my "Recent Visitors" stat page to see if they were looking at any pages other than the front page. Surprisingly about half of them did go beyond the front page, with one person spending over half an hour looking at various Aimless pages, including the Photos section.

Whoever ventured into my Photos section did not look at all the pictures or even most of them. This person mostly looked at the pictures of me, which makes me wonder: Do I have a new secret admirer?

It kind of turns me on to think that someone out there wanted to look at pictures of me, even though I'd like for people to look through the entire repertoire of photos. So who is this person? I imagine it must be one of them female types. And judging by how she found Aimless, I'd assume she probably has a reasonably sexy brain.

Oooh, yeah. You're making me so hot.

Newsflash: We interrupt this daydream to bring you important breaking news... Ryan, you have a very vivid imagination. There's a reason you haven't even touched a girl since like Nam. You are not going to get laid and you are not going to be loved. So stop floating in your tin can and come back down to Earth and buy some porn or something.

Aimless

Karmaceutical Police

mail.barrlabs.com

Hmmm, I just noticed this identification in one of my "recent visitors" lists. This means someone from Barr Labs, manufacturer of placebo-quality dextroamphetamine, has found the Aimless blog. Certainly the result of my recent allusions to dextroamphetamine.

What're you looking for, Barr? Am I not the only dexy user reported to have been a zombie for the last month? Why don't you send me some shit that actually works? That shit's not cheap, you know.

Aimless

What a shame

Yesterday I went to Middletown, Ohio for a celebration of my grandma's 80th birthday, where I saw my cousin Jeff for the first time since Easter. Accompanying him on Easter were his wife of about ten years and his 15(ish)-year-old stepson. Yesterday, however, he came alone because his wife abruptly left him for some other guy earlier this year.

When I heard this summer that Jeff's wife left him, I was shocked because they always seemed to have a great relationship and because Jeff is one of the nicest, most down-to-earth guys you could ever meet. (I can forgive him for voting for Satan. I mean Bush.) But there is also a kind of tragedy in this break-up, which I hadn't thought about before yesterday.

After the celebration, someone mentioned that they had asked Jeff if he has kept in touch with his stepson (or something like that). From what I remember of the conversation around me, Jeff was caught off guard by the question; it was something he really didn't want to think about because I guess he and his stepson were pretty close. Later on, my mom or dad said something about Jeff's wife having a restraining order on him, which keeps him from interacting at all with his stepson. (I don't understand why or how she could get a restraining order because Jeff most certainly is not a threat to anyone.)

Has this entry been difficult to follow so far? If so, it's because my head was not screwed on straight yesterday. Consequently, my recollection of yesterday is quite muddy.

After having some time to digest what I'd heard about Jeff's situation yesterday, my head started putting everything together. That's when I remembered something Jeff's stepson said last time I saw him: He kept making references to "my dad." At first I thought he was referring to his biological father, but I eventually realized "my dad" meant "Jeff." He considered Jeff his dad, which I imagine is very uncommon with stepchildren.

Another thing my mom said is that Jeff wanted to adopt his stepson when he and his wife got married, but his wife didn't want him to because it would end the child support from her previous husband. My mom also said that Jeff's stepson wanted to stay with Jeff rather than his mom after the breakup. If Jeff had gone ahead and adopted his stepson ten years ago, I guess that may have been a viable option. But because he never did adopt him, he no longer has the legal right to be involved in his stepson's life. (I guess this must be the motivation for the restraining order.)

Because you probably were not able to decipher this literary mess, here's what it all means: Jeff's stepson would rather live with Jeff than either his real mom or his real dad. However, because Jeff's wife is apparently a completely selfish twat, she's doing everything she can to keep Jeff away from the kid, who sees him as his true father--his one true parent. She's doing it even though the kid could really use Jeff in his life right now. She's doing it because she cares less about her own son than Jeff does.

What a fucking cunt, and what a horrible thing to do to someone you brought into this world and someone else who loved you and your kid more than you ever did. (Something I didn't mention is that her daughter, who's probably about 20 now, has had nothing to do with her for several years.) The weird thing is that I never added any of it up before now, but it all seems so clear all of a sudden.

Who are you trying to punish, Lori? And why?

What a shame. And parents wonder why their kids don't turn out how they always hoped. It's because they need your love, you bunch of fucking idiots. And if they can't have your love, they need someone else's love. And when you deprive them of love, you fuck their heads up permanently.

Jeff, you'll probably never see this, but if you do, I hope you can work everything out for the best.

"Son," if you ever see this, try not to let your mother's selfishness scar you for life. Realize that Jeff loves you as if you were his real son and that you'll be an adult before you know it. Just try to do the right things, even though you don't really have a good example to follow, and things will turn out all right.

I wish you the best of luck, Jeff and "Son."

Aimless

Good question

While looking over one of Aimless's stat pages a little bit ago, I noticed a new search phrase that brought someone to the site: "Why is my life aimless?" This search phrase immediately stuck out to me as deeper, more important than all the other phrases that attract people to Aimless. I mean, what kind of internal hell must someone be living to ask a search engine why their life is aimless?

I know how it feels to be that low. (Where do you think the title "Aimless" came from?) But I really cannot imagine myself asking a search engine such a personal question. I wouldn't even think about asking a search engine why my life is aimless because I already know the search engine doesn't have the answer. And I really don't think someone conducted this search out of curiosity; I suspect the searcher is someone who really does feel like their life is aimless.

Whoever you are: If you end up here again and need someone to talk to, don't be afraid to contact me. I'd love to help you if I can. If you end up here again and choose not to contact me, hang in there and try to let things get better. Life is not easy, but there is probably an answer to your most desperate question. Just try to get through the shit without doing anything irrational.

Good luck, aimless one.

Aimless

What would Jesus do?

The following is a comment I posted on someone else's blog:

It's interesting how Americans love to point out only the inequalities and injustices perpetrated against themselves or the group(s) to which they belong.

If you're over 50 and can't get a job that pays more than $7 an hour, it must be age discrimination. End of story. Forget the fact that most 20-year-olds, 30-year-olds, and 40-year-olds have the exact same problem, for every wise Baby Boomer knows younger generations are uneducated and incompetent.

Good ol' cognitive dissonance hard at work.

I am a 32-year-old white male from a "middle class" background. Although I am a hard worker with a great mind and five years' worth of college credit (which means nothing to me), I have never had a remotely decent job and I have never been paid even half of what I'm worth. I probably never will.

Is it because I am a 32-year-old white male from a "middle class" background? Absolutely not!

It's because the job market is no longer based on reason. (Was it ever? I don't know.) The people running the show, from the CEOs to the HR folks, are clueless and face no adverse consequences when they do their jobs poorly. Instead of hiring and promoting people based on merit and real life credentials, they base everything on who you know, who your parents were, the color of your skin, the length of your hair, how much money your parents were able to blow on your college "education," to what extent you'll allow them to rip you off, how well you bullshit people who don't have the ability to detect bullshit, and how many lies you tell on your pre-employment personality survey. (More lies = You'll probably get the job.)

Yes, there is age discrimination in the workplace, making things very difficult for some folks over the age of 50. But there is also race discrimination, sex discrimination, [young] age discrimination, cultural discrimination, subcultural discrimination, aesthetic discrimination (discrimination against ugly/short/fat people), and hundreds of other kinds of discrimination that are just as wrong (and counterproductive) as every form of discrimination I've listed here.

If you are a recently unemployed white, male Baby Boomer, you have led an easier life than almost everyone in the history of the world. So shut the fuck up about age discrimination unless you also care enough about your fellow human to speak up about all the other forms of discrimination in the job market.

But if you are one of the many privileged, financially stable, white Baby Boomers and you want to turn your money into more money, I have an idea for you: Throw some seed money my way to help me make Aimless. Or throw some seed money my way to help me open a profitable pizzeria. Or just hire me to replace one of the incompetent bullshitters you currently employ (but only if you intend to pay me what I'm worth). I am 100% serious.

Stop being so god-damn selfish. It might actually pay off for you.

Aimless

Not this time, Sparty

Eight years ago, like this year, the Ohio State football team began their season ranked #1 in the nation. As I lived in Las Vegas at the time, I was unable to watch many Ohio State football games from the comfort of my own living quarters. So almost every Saturday morning I went to a sports bar inside Sam's Town to watch my favorite team.

In 1998, like this year, the Buckeyes were cruising along with their #1 ranking secure heading into the Michigan State game.

Won 34-17 at West Virginia (8-4)
Won 49-0 vs. Toledo (7-5)
Won 35-14 vs. Missouri (8-4)
Won 28-9 vs. Penn State (9-3)
Won 41-0 at Illinois (3-8)
Won 45-15 vs. Minnesota (5-6)
Won 36-10 at Northwestern (3-9)
Won 38-7 at Indiana (4-7)

Like usual I headed to Sam's Town to watch the Ohio State game versus Michigan State, but an employee kept changing the channels on the TVs, always leaving the Ohio State game on some invisible TV. I kept asking the person in charge to put my game on one of the TVs, but I didn't have much luck and missed most of the first half.

In the second half, Ohio State blew a big lead: 24-9, I believe. After beating each of their first eight opponents by at least 17 points, somehow Ohio State allowed a mediocre Michigan State team to stay in the game and take the lead. Down 28-24 late in the game, the Buckeyes drove to about the Spartans' 10 yard-line and had their chance to get a touchdown and win a game that should have been over by halftime. They didn't do it. The Buckeyes lost 28-24 and dropped all the way down to #8 (a drop that could never happen to Florida, USC, Nebraska, Florida State, or any of the other non-Big Ten teams that have held the #1 spot over the years).

Including the loss to Michigan State, the Buckeyes finished the season as follows:

Lost 24-28 vs. Michigan State (6-6)
Won 45-14 at Iowa (3-8)
Won 31-16 vs. Michigan (10-3)
Won 24-14 vs. Texas A&M (11-3) (Sugar Bowl)

With lucky-ass Tennessee the only remaining undefeated team following the regular season, the question became: Which one-loss team will the Volunteers play in the Fiesta Bowl for the national championship? Well, even though everyone with a brain knew Ohio State was the best team in the country by far, it was no surprise that Florida State (who lost 24-7 to North Carolina State) received the #2 ranking and the right to play Tennessee for the championship. They had no business playing in that game, which they proved on the field, but they're Florida State, so who cares?

If Ohio State had just beaten MSU like they were supposed to, it never would have been an issue. Michigan State has a history of big upsets and big chokes, and the 1998 game was certainly one of their biggest upsets, if not thebiggest upset.

Not gonna happen this time, Sparty. Y'all have the talent to beat OSU and the OSU players are only human, but they have a combination of assets that makes them almost impossible to beat: they're ridiculously talented, they're deep, and every player on the team is a team player. The 2006 Ohio State football team respects every opponent, and they don't look beyond the next game, no matter who they're playing.

They won't lose today, and they probably will not lose this season.

My Prediction: Ohio State 45, Michigan State 13.

Aimless

Love is on the horizon

I originally titled this entry "This is funny."

From someone's Technorati profile:

I am a seeker of truth. I am a student of astrology... I plan to become a life coach and continue my astrological studies. Until then, join me as I search for meaning in everyday life.

Some people really are lost in a world of bullshit.

Pardon me, I mean they're Aimless.

I almost coined a word

Just a little bit ago, as I was reading something on this here computer, I came across the word 'democracy.' For some reason, after reading the word, I immediately thought of another word, 'documentary,' and my mind turned the two words into one: Democumentary.

I thought, "Wow, that could actually be a functional word; I wonder if anyone has ever thought of it before," and I proceded to do a Google search for "democumentary." Unfortunately I wasn't quite the first person to mix those two words into one, but I was close.

Aimless

You disappoint me, HBO

So there's this new documentary on HBO called "The Journalist and the Jihadi," which I watched last night. Well, sorta watched. This is one of those documentaries you don't really have to watch, because the content is all in the audio. The Journalist and the Jihadi is a talkumentary, not a documentary.

Now I expect that kind of shit out of A&E because they constantly air ancient episodes of Bill Kurtis shows, which are nothing more than talk talk talk, yap yap yap, boring boring boring. But I expect much more from HBO. (In fact, I had been drafting an entry weeks ago, contrasting A&E/Bill Kurtis Productions to Spike Lee/HBO's "When the Levees Broke," which had my eyes glued to the TV for 4 hours and 15 minutes.)

The constant talking in The Journalist and the Jihadi made me close my eyes. It literally gave me a headache because there was so much talking and because the pictures were mostly meaningless. For a while I stopped paying attention to what people were saying and started listening to the empty spaces between yapping to see if they could manage even a 2-second gap in the yap. They couldn't do it. Finally I couldn't take anymore, so I changed the channel.

Y'all surely know the saying, "A picture is worth a thousand words," right? (Duh.) Well, many documentarians consider it absolute truth when it comes to making documentaries. The best documentarians consider it absolute truth. On the opposite side of the spectrum, as I so clearly witnessed last night, a thousand words isn't worth a picture. 20,000 words is not worth 20 pictures. I don't know how many words there are in The Journalist and the Jihadi, but there are thousands and thousands too many, and it was extremely irritating.

The Journalist and the Jihadi does not need to be on a visual media. The Journalist and the Jihadi should not be on a visual media. It should be on the radio or in a book. Radio and books are sound/word media. Film and video are for pictures!

I tend to think of most HBO documentaries as pretty high quality stuff. I'm talking about content quality, not necessarily production quality. But The Journalist and the Jihadi didn't even come close. I wanted to know about its subject (Daniel Pearl), but I didn't want it to be so much work, and I won't try again next time it's on.

You puzzle me, HBO. Why do you devote so much time, money, and effort to bad documentaries like The Journalist and the Jihadi (and Plastic Disasters, which I also thought would be good until I watched it) but then ignore me when I contact you about Aimless? Jesus Christ, I could have called Aimless "America Undercover" (which, as many people know, is the label or brand HBO attaches to many or most of its documentaries).

What happens when I do this? journalist jihadi hbo

Aimless

What a start

A good story during the Virginia Tech/Boston College football game last night:

Boston College's regular starting kicker did not play last night (either because of injury or suspension--I'm not sure), and their back-up kicker is a walk-on who, just last year, watched BC games as a fan in the stands. That's not such an unusual story, right? Every team has walk-ons that eventually get significant playing time. Yeah, but this guy had never played in a football game before last night. Never played in a college football game and never played in a high school football game. His first participation on any kind of organized football team came in an important ACC conference game on national TV.

Unless I missed something, the dude ended up 2 for 2 on extra points and 2 for 2 on field goal attempts.

I'm impressed. And even though I really don't care about Boston College, the story made me feel good. I'm happy for the guy and I wish everyone could have a similar experience. (That is, except for true evildoers like George Bush. Fuck Bush. Even his dad wants him dead.)

Aimless

Uhh, your voith thuckth. Uhh, huh huh

I know I already said this recently, but I really want to do voice-overs. (And I'm going to continue making regular posts like this until the right person stumbles onto one of them.) I had an idea last night that could help me put my voice to work as Aimless entertainment, an idea that could also function as a sort of voice-over resume. My idea is to make a short cartoon.

Making a cartoon surely is not easy. I have basically no visual artistic skills, so animation would be a bit of a problem for me. I know someone in Yellow Springs, though, who does animation (Marc Siemer), so maybe I could get some help from him. Also, thinking up a plot with dynamic characters and voices would take a lot of work.

Until I manage to make something of my own, I would love to provide some voices for someone else. I'll do it for free for the right person. If you want to see what I have to offer, just meet me for a couple tall beers somewhere (not Sam Adams, of course, for they have lost my business) and get me yapping. I'm usually a pretty quiet dude, but once you get me started, you can't shut me up. And if you can get me into that state, you can easily witness the beauty of my schizophrenic vocal cords.

Aimless (or if you're Creed, Ayalmlayalss)

Biggest asshole on the planet

This entry exists for no reason other than to see how many people find their way to Aimless by searching for the terms 'Asshole' and 'George Bush' (or 'George W. Bush'). Let me throw in cocksucker, motherfucker, fuckwad, fascist, fascism, Nazi, liar, prick, fuckface, dickhead, and cunt just to make it interesting. (In case you are not aware, Grandpa Prescott Bush was a financier of the Nazi party. That's not name-calling.)

If you found this blog entry through a Bush search, please leave a comment.

(Update, 10/12/2006: I can't believe I didn't include retard in the list.)

Response to BC and JR

In a recent entry, Stay tuned... Maybe, Betty and Jay made comments to which I've been meaning to respond. Not knowing if they'd ever see my response if I put it on the original entry's comment page, I've decided to respond here instead.

Find Betty's comment here. My response:

Regarding whether I think anyone in my family will ever find their way to Aimless: Even if they don't know the URL of the site, they know enough to find it in a few seconds if they really want to. They know my name and they know I intend to make a documentary (or a movie). Now let's give Google a try, searching for "Ryan Powell documentary movie." BAM! There you go. No excuses. And yes, my parents, my brother, and a few aunts/uncles/cousins know the site exists.

I really wanted to attend the gathering at Jill and Rob's place. I even made a couple practice loaves of ciabatta in the week leading up to the party (or picnic) to tweak my rough dough formula (or recipe) and preparation methods. Had the picnic been just about any other day, I almost certainly would have been there. That night was bad for me, though, because I really wanted to see the Ohio State/Iowa game and my head has just not been very together lately. I didn't figure other attendees would be as interested in the football game as myself and I didn't think it would be very courteous for me to be there with my mind on the game.

I have not been to Dino's (or YSO) for two weeks. I did plan to head that way today, but my brain and body just were not up to it. You may have read my entry about dextroamphetamine a couple weeks ago; that's pretty much what kept me from going today. The shit is just not working, and it's really pissing me off. It'll be at least a couple weeks into November before I run out of my current prescription and open the next one. It's very frustrating.

It's probably a good idea that I stay away from Dino's/YSO for a while because it was becoming too routine. When I first started going there, it was something new and it felt much different. Lately I've just been that dude who shows up every Wednesday afternoon and hangs around for a while, mostly not talking to anyone and probably not enriching myself in any way. Who knows? Maybe I'll feel compelled to go there tomorrow. Probably not, but it could happen.

I was pretty sure you check out the site very regularly, usually at about 6:15 AM and sometimes in the afternoon, because I check out the stats thoroughly. Now I know that's you. I am Big Brother, y'know.

Find Jay's comment here. My response:

I didn't necessarily use the word 'debt' to mean I'll owe you cash payment in return for your support. But if I end up in position to pay you for your support, and if I feel it's the right thing to do, I'll do it.

You better start writing some Aimless music because I probably won't be able to afford Danny Elfman or the rights to a bunch of hit singles for the soundtrack. (That reminds me. I want to write an entry with a list of songs I think might be good for an Aimless soundtrack.)

You still need to let me know the correct URL for your "new life."

I pity the Aimless fool.

You are not a Republican

Unless you hold some kind of public office or earn well over a million dollars a year, you are not a Republican. Even if you are a card-carrying member of the party and vote exclusively for Republican candidates, you are merely a misguided supporter of dangerous criminals--a fan of bad people who absolutely do not represent your interests, regardless of what they tell you.

How much proof do you need?

Aimless

CBJ for real?

Three games into the 2006-07 NHL season, the Columbus Blue Jackets not only look like playoff contenders but also Stanley Cup contenders. Starting this season how they finished last season, these guys are putting the puck in the net. Rick Nash already has three goals and Nikolai Zherdev scored two goals last night in his first game of the season, after waiting in the Moscow airport for like two weeks, trying to get a flight to Columbus. With the team having scored 5 goals in two of their three games, the best part is that Sergei Fedorov has not even played yet.

Other CBJ-related Stuff
A few years ago, ESPN The Magazine listed CBJ games as the "#1 stadium experience in professional sports." Now I enjoy attending CBJ games, but give me a break. First of all, organs are supposed to sound like organs, not Casio keyboards from 1985. I don't know who decided that the CBJ organ player must use an unprofessional-sounding synth voice instead of an organ voice, but it sucks and it sounds stupid. It makes the games less enjoyable--less authentic--than if the organ just sounded like a fucking organ.

Second, the Director of Entertainment (I believe they call it) SUCKS ASS!!! That's the person who plays song excerpts during breaks and stuff like that. From what I've heard during the first couple games on TV this season, it sounds like they hired someone new for that position. Regardless of whether it's someone new or someone old, the person who does that job really blows. The songs are supposed to create some energy, but they don't. From watching the games on TV, I cannot tell exactly what songs they've been playing, but it sounds like a bunch of stupid, puke-worthy top 40 crap. And when they do play something that "rocks," it doesn't rock. Particularly some song that goes "Click click boom" (or something like that)--a song I've also heard on TNT commercials. It doesn't rock, folks! It's just a bunch of stupid guys with the mentality of 10-year-old boys playing cowboys and Indians trying to sound tough. That's not rock.

Old Van Halen. That's rock! Black Sabbath (not the way-overused Iron Man) is rock. Early Ozzy Osborne (not overdone Crazy Train) is rock. GnR stuff you've never heard on the radio is rock. Megadeth, Iron Maiden, Primus, Tchaikovsky, Shostakovich, Stravinsky, Cake, Smashing Pumpkins, Nirvana, Jane's Addiction, Pixies, The Clash... That's rock! Conversely, "hard rock" from the last ten or fifteen years almost exclusively IS NOT ROCK and DOES NOT ROCK, excluding perhaps System of a Down and Tool. Gary Numan and The Human League rock 100 times more than most of the shit they play at CBJ games.

Third, that crappy Bush song they've played before each period since Day 1 SUCKS!!! It's supposed to generate energy and excitement. It doesn't. You know what song does, though? "You could be mine" by GnR, the song they used to play before each period at Chill games. That song starts off with tons of energy but builds and builds until it all explodes, at which point the team would skate out onto the ice with the crowd completely pumped.

The person in charge of all this stuff at CBJ games totally fucking sucks! I want that job because I know I could make CBJ games fun. Did you hear me, Columbus Blue Jackets or Nationwide Arena management? I want that job!!! And if anyone reading this knows who I should contact about getting that job and consequently making CBJ games rock, please let me know. Better yet, let them know.

A final note: I went to a hockey game at Madison Square Garden on Halloween night, 2005, between the Rangers and the Canadiens. During the second intermission, the ORGAN player played Iron Man from start to finish. Like I said, Iron Man is way overplayed at sporting events, but this was different. This was Iron Man from start to finish--not just two bars--on an ORGAN. It totally rocked. It is probably the most memorable five minutes I've ever experienced at a hockey game (or any other sporting event, including dozens of Ohio State football games). It's something I know I'll never experience at a CBJ game as long as the current decision-makers hold their jobs. That's a shame.

Aimless

I could be wrong

Saturday morning I was shooting my veins full of college football pregame in anticipation of big upsets and another 1/13 of what will likely be an Ohio State national championship season when the doorbell rang. I wasn't expecting anyone and I didn't want to answer the door, but I temporarily removed the needle and opened the door anyway. It was the Jehovah's witnesses.

I had no interest in what they were selling and I really didn't want to deal with them, but I respectfully and patiently allowed them to pitch their product. After accepting their copies of The Watchtower and Awake!, I slid the needle back in and melted into the couch to feel the high of Herbstreit, Corso, and Fowler's football foreplay.

I sometimes wonder why these religious zealots feel so compelled to infect others with their unfortunate disease. I wonder why the more extreme religious zealots so badly wish to force their religions upon all Americans via unconstitutional laws. Do they not value the human capacity for individual thought? Have they ever experienced individual thought?

I wonder how the Jehovah's witnesses or the mormons (pronounced "mor-monns") would receive me if I knocked on their doors offering No God. Would they treat me with the same respect I showed them? What if I approached them in the name of No God and tried to convince them to believe the same things they already believe? Would they figure it out? (Hey, that sounds just like what I already believe; it just has a different name.)

Not that my beliefs in any way mirror those of any religious group, but with No God, anything is possible. More importantly, I don't feel the need to convert others to my way of seeing things because I do value the human capacity for individual thought and I recognize that I might be wrong. I don't think I'm wrong, and all evidence suggests I'm not wrong, but I concede that I may be wrong.

Why is that so difficult for you to do, every religion?

Here's a little advice for all you religious freaks who are optimistic and certain that the end of the world is coming soon: Kill yourselves now so the rest of us can start living in peace. And by "the rest of us," I mean religious and non-religious folks who know how to treat people like people.

Save my soul, for I am Aimless!

Smoking saves lives

When I went outside to smoke at about 4:30, I somehow noticed a snake in the swimming pool. Since I haven't paid much attention to the pool in quite a while, I had no idea how long the snake had been in the water, nor could I tell at first if the snake was even alive. After a few seconds I determined the snake was alive, as its head was above the water and it relocated when I approached.

Instead of lighting my smoke, I went into the pool house to grab a net and a pole, which I used to rescue the little guy. Had I not noticed the critter, it most certainly would not have been able to escape on its own because the water is at least 8 inches below the top of the pool and the snake is not more than a foot long.

I'm proud of myself for saving the snake. I'm not sure most people would have done it.

By the way, I love snakes.

Aimless

Some of the best shit ever

If you did not see The Daily Show episode that aired the Monday after Vice President Dick Cheney shot his friend in the face, you missed one of the most brilliantly written segments in the history of entertainment. For those of you who don't have cable (and those who choose to be misinformed and disinformed by "the news" instead of laughing and learning with The Daily Show), here's your chance.



Even though this clip is timeless, you will never be able to appreciate it as much as you may have when it aired, for two reasons: 1) It aired on television, not on a computer; and 2) Because the original airing was only a couple days after the incident, you would have been hearing about it constantly on "the news" for a couple days when this Daily Show episode first aired. You would already have been thinking about it instead of just remembering it. I guess it would have had more shock value or something. All I know is that it was completely hilarious in that context, as opposed to now, when it is merely damn hilarious.

The best part of the clip is Rob Cordry's last line. If you didn't realize how incredibly brilliant this line was, go back to about the 9:40 mark and watch the ending again. (This particular line is actually at about the 10:00 mark, but starting at 9:40 will set it up for you.)

Aimless: The Movie

Stay tuned... Maybe

So much to say. So many people who don't give a fuck about what I have to say.

It just occurred to me a couple days ago that my parents have not shown the slightest bit of interest in Aimless. In the 4+ months since I began this project, they haven't asked if there is any way they can help. They haven't asked me the URL of the Aimless web site. My dad has not even offered to let me look at the owner's manual for his Canon GL2, which, as I've told him, is one of two camcorder models I've considered using.

Could I possibly expect anything less from them?

I intended from the very beginning for Aimless to be an extremely difficult test. One of my main objectives was to improve my communication skills. I figured poor communication must be the biggest reason I have not succeeded in the labor force. But I was wrong; I communicate just fine. I don't fit into the labor force because I am honest, I have integrity, and I refuse to compromise those assets for anything.

I have purposely not asked my parents for any help with Aimless because my original objectives dictated that I could not take advantage of my family's "middle class" status. Aimless was not supposed to be about some spoiled brat getting everything from Mommy and Daddy; it was supposed to be about making something out of nothing.

Now I have a new objective: To find out if my parents (or anyone else in my family) believe(s) in me enough to hook me up with the stuff I need for Aimless.

I already know it'll never happen, but I'm posing the challenge anyway. The most interesting part of this challenge is seeing how long it will take before anyone in my family even finds out about this challenge. Y'see, I'm not going to tell them about it; they have to find their way to this blog entry and find out about it for themselves. But since they have never cared what's going on in my life, I already know they will never see this. (That is, unless someone like Jay directs them to it. So don't do it, Jay.)

This challenge to my family does not negate any of the premises I've already established on either the About Aimless page or the Sponsor Aimless page. Sponsorship of Aimless is still an option for anyone with enough insight to recognize how I can turn their money into more money, including the Boston Beer Company, Mark Cuban, Barbara Ehrenreich, and anyone else I may have contacted about sponsorship.

And you know what, Boston Beer Company: The way things stand right now, I'll never buy another bottle of Sam Adams, just because you didn't buy into Aimless. That may not seem like anything significant, but it will end up costing the Boston Beer Company a lot more money than sponsorship of Aimless would have cost, even if Aimless had turned out to be a total disaster.

Mark and Barb: You just keep yapping your yappity yap yaps. You are both fakes. If not, prove it; put your money where your mouth is. I dare you. You might actually gain something from investing in your supposed causes, whether you invest in me or anyone else you claim to represent.

(Update - 10/06/2006: I don't really mean that; at least what I said in the beginning of the paragraph. But I am disappointed that neither of them has responded in any way. Especially Barbara, because her rhetoric almost completely mirrors my own thoughts and words. It's time to stop talking and start doing, Barbara. You talk and talk and talk about equality, but it takes action and sacrifice to make a difference. It takes giving to make a difference, and Aimless is a fantastic starting point because I want to use the eventual success of Aimless to help people less fortunate than myself. But I need someone like you to help me before I can do anything for anyone. It would be in your best interest to assist me, Barb and Mark.)

Finally, to Jay (aka Docrivs), Betty, and Glenn Shope (of Net Acceleration): I consider myself in debt to y'all. If I manage to succeed with Aimless, you'll get a lot more from me than you ever expected. I sincerely appreciate your support, and I hope you'll continue to spread the word about Aimless.

Faking the tests

Faking It: Can Job Applicants 'Outsmart' Personality Tests?

I'm not positive but I think the article in the above link aims to suggest that pre-employment personality tests clearly detect all or most dishonesty. However, because I arrived at the page through a different avenue than its target visitors, it's kind of difficult for me to make that assessment. It appears to be an attempt to persuade readers that personality tests are damn near foolproof, partly by admitting that such tests are not entirely perfect (as opposed to admitting they are useless).

The article admits that there are three kinds of faking on these tests: 1) Intentional faking to mask a lack of integrity; 2) Trying to look good "for the camera;" and 3) Unintentional faking based on an elevated self-evaluation.

No problem! As long as the employer knows how to effectively interpret the test results, everything will be great. In other words: As long as the employer has some people-reading skills, everything will be great.

But who do you suppose might be buying these tests? (Hint: Not employers with people skills.)

So if you need to hire people but you have no people skills, go ahead and buy a stack of pre-employment personality tests. Just make sure to use your people skills wisely when interpreting the results. Otherwise, they might not help you hire the right people.

Aimless is no faker!

Fuck Notre Dame!

Man, this is getting ridiculous. Every week Notre Dame gets all the calls. Big calls. Important calls. Obviously blown calls. But no one in the media says anything about it. Like the touchdown (in)completion that brought them to within 4 points of MSU last week and about five huge calls today vs. Purdue. Purdue sucks horribly, but they should be in this game right now (with about 7:00 left in 4th quarter).

Eventually ND will have to play another decent team. When it finally happens, they will get destroyed just like they did vs. Michigan and Ohio State. Unfortunately, it will probably be in a BCS bowl game, so Notre Dame will still get about $200 billion that they won't have to share with any other schools.

FUCK NOTRE DAME!!!

Aimless

Ted Ginn

Dude makes some bad-ass shit happen. Pretty killer highlight reel here, but it's missing some good stuff, like all the ways he wasted Notre Dame in the Fiesta Bowl. (By the way, FUCK NOTRE DAME!!!) Another missing good play was in the Alamo Bowl when he ran back and forth across the field about five times, only to end up with a loss of a couple yards.



Go Bucks! Destroy Iowa tomorrow.

My prediction: Buckeyes 34, Hawkeyes 9

Aimless

Where is my mind?

(I love that song. I hate the feeling.)

Man, my latest dextroamphetamine (Dexedrine) prescription is just not working. My head has been in a haze for pretty much all of the last couple weeks (since I ran out of my previous prescription). I'm having a hard time thinking straight, I can't focus for shit, and I feel very incomplete. And it's not because Dexedrine is bad (as most ignorant people would surely suggest); it's either because the stuff was not made right or it sat in the pharmacy for a decade, never being rotated. It could be something else, but I feel pretty confident one of those two things is the answer.

I really don't know why my Dexedrine isn't working, but I know it's not in my head. And it really pisses me off because that shit is not cheap and I'm stuck with it for another 6 weeks. So because some corporate asshole didn't do his (or her) job right, my brain has to hurt for two months. And then I'll have to worry about my next prescription.

This is not the first time I've had such an experience with the drug. I've taken Dexedrine for almost 14 years--generic dextroamphetamine for the last several--and this never happened until the last year or so. I wouldn't be surprised if this is the result of the pharmaceutical industry's blatant disregard for human life. The shit is probably not even dextroamphetamine. It's probably sugar and corn starch in disguise. Maybe I should try to get some of it analyzed. (Who the hell does that?)

Aimless Now!

Personality surveys

Whenever you want to write about something but don't know what to write about, just visit some other corner of the internet and read. That'll surely inspire something good.

I ventured onto Barbara Ehrenreich's message boards a little while ago and found a thread about those "personality surveys" some employers issue prospective hires. It really bothered me how many of the forum's participants seem to believe these "surveys" actually accomplish anything for anyone, so I registered and added my thoughts on the topic. In short, I believe very strongly that these tests only separate liars from honest folks, then "reward" liars with [shitty] jobs.

The following is my contribution to the thread...

Wow, you people actually believe these tests are anything more than total bullshit?!? Wow!

A few questions I remember from some of these "personality surveys":
1) ...Do you see the glass as half empty or half full?
2) In high school, were you in the top third, middle third, or bottom third of your graduating class?
3) If you suspected a co-worker has been taking money from the register, would you disregard your suspicion or would you inform your supervisor?

Come on, now. The "correct" answers are obvious:

1) Half full.
2) Top third.
3) Inform my supervisor.

My answers:
1) I don't see half empty or half full; I see half.
2) Are you talking about before I got kicked out of high school? If so, then I was in the middle third or bottom third? (Perhaps I should mention that I made the Dean's List in college. Perhaps I should mention that I also earned a scholarship. But that's not what they're asking me. And the tests are usually multiple choice--not open ended--from what I remember.)
3) I'd have to be in the situation before I could tell you how I'd react. My suspicion that a co-worker is taking money from the register doesn't necessarily make it true. By impulsively reporting my co-worker to my supervisor (who might be the actual culprit), I could end up causing a lot of unnecessary damage.

With those answers, I don't get hired. Why? Because I'm honest. That's the only reason.

Who gets the job, then? Liars and ass-kissers. (If I could remember more of the questions from these tests, I could provide better evidence. If you have one of these tests, please send me a copy.)

So who benefits from personality surveys? No one. The biggest loser of all is the stupid employer who actually believes the tests are even slightly useful. They end up hiring selfish, half-assed liars instead of honest, hardworking team players. That's why you can't get decent service anymore when you go out to eat or stay at a hotel or call the nearest pizza chain for delivery. That's why your pizza sucks. That's why your Applebee's entree sucks. That's why you can't get your damn Coke refilled. That's why your Ford falls apart. That's why Ford is falling apart.

Hey, if you want a shitty job where you're underpaid and treated with no respect, go ahead and lie on the personality test. But if you want to find the right job, walk out as soon as they mention the test. And don't come back, either. Ever. Their loss, not yours.

Remember, they need us a lot more than we need them. And until we, the vast majority, show the corporate bosses how much they need us, they'll keep ripping us off a little more each day.

You want to know my real answer to Question #3 above? Here it is:

If the job was comparable to any of the other jobs I've held in my life, I probably would not report my co-worker, even if I witnessed him or her clearly stealing from the cash register. When you (an employer) rip off your employees, some of them rip you off back. And if you can't stop it proactively by hiring honest people, paying them fairly, and using secure accounting practices, then who am I to interfere?

You get what you deserve. It wouldn't happen to me if I ran the business.

Aimless: You wish you had the balls to do this.

Football stuff

There was just no beating the Saints Monday night. The way they played, probably no one would have beat them. How about that gap that opened up for the punt block at the beginning. And their defense's pass coverage all night. Wow! I felt kind of sorry for Atlanta. They had no chance.

In other football news:

Police: T.O. tried to kill himself
By JAIME ARON, AP Sports Writer
September 27, 2006

DALLAS (AP) -- Flamboyant Dallas Cowboys receiver Terrell Owens tried to kill himself by overdosing on pain medication, even putting two more pills into his mouth after a friend intervened, according to a police report obtained Wednesday.

The report said Owens was asked by rescue workers "if he was attempting to harm himself, at which time (he) stated, `Yes."'

The Dallas police report said the 32-year-old Owens told his friend "that he was depressed." Details of the police report were first reported by WFAA-TV. Police scheduled a news conference for later Wednesday morning.

Now, I wouldn't be surprised if this story has been blown way out of proportion (because that's what "the news" does), but if not, maybe it's time to take it easy on the guy for a while. Yeah, maybe he is a self-centered prick, but maybe he's just misunderstood. I don't know, and I'm not going to pretend to know. But regardless of whether he's a good guy or a total prick, he's still a person.

Same thing with Maurice Clarett. The guy has done a lot of stupid shit, and now he has to face the consequences. I think deep down inside Clarett is a very good guy. I think he has proven it in a lot of ways that "the news" never focused on. I think he has been around too many bad influences--people who wanted to capitalize off of his talent and people who blew up his ego to the point that it overpowered the good guy inside him. I'm not excusing him for all the stupid shit he's done, but I'm not willing to convince myself that he has nothing to offer society. I think he does, and I think he will.

Bryant Gumbel finished his recent HBO show with an awesome commentary about Clarett. Most Americans probably can't comprehend Gumbel's point of view or his rhetoric because it involves thinking, but Gumbel said pretty much what I'd like to have said here, only 20 times better. He expressed extreme disappointment but also a caring optimism. He recognizes Clarett's mistakes, but he also sees Clarett's potential to prove himself a valuable component of American society someday.

I really respect Bryant Gumbel, not only for what he said about Clarett but for what he's said on previous shows. In all the years that Gumbel has been in the public eye, I never paid much attention to him, but I will now because I know his voice is worth hearing. (Keith Olbermann, too.)

Aimless, muthafucka!

Blogger.com sucks!!!

Finally, I can get to my dashboard and post an entry. I have not been able to do that all day because blogger.com blows ass. I also have been unable to read any blogspot.com blogs. Of course now I'm busy doing other stuff and I lost track of what I wanted to say earlier. I'm starting to think about using some other blog service.

Aimless Main Page

A pizza video

I used to know nothing about pizza. Then one day I went out and bought a pizza stone, a pizza cookbook, and all the ingredients I would need to make my first pizza from scratch. Following the instructions in the cookbook, my first stab at making homemade pizza wasn't pretty. I remember having a bitch of a time with the dough. I remember struggling to find a way to transfer my raw pizza "skin" onto the hot pizza stone for baking. In general, I remember how clueless I was about the whole process of making pizza from scratch. Even after multiple attempts at following the cookbook's instructions, I never felt like the cookbook prepared me adequately for the challenge of making a remotely decent pizza.

Now, almost ten years later, I know a lot about pizza, but none of my knowledge came from books or TV shows. I've certainly taken advantage of books and TV shows in an attempt to expand my pizza knowledge, but all I've learned from them is how NOT to make pizza. My greatest teacher has been trial and error.

I'm not going to pretend that I possess even a fraction of Emeril Lagasse's overall food knowledge, but you can trust me when I tell you Emeril knows almost nothing about pizza. For anyone who may have seen the "Emeril's Pizza Party" from early 2006, with Tony Gemignani as a guest: That beautiful pizza Emeril took out of the oven after the commercial break wasn't the same pizza he put into the oven before the commercial break. If it had been, the pizza would have been black and overflowing with cheese.

You can also trust me when I tell you Alton Brown and Tyler Florence know almost nothing about pizza. If you've seen their pizza shows, they certainly seem to know a lot about pizza, but they don't. TV has a lot of smoke and mirrors. Similarly, cookbook authors have their own ways of appearing more knowledgeable than they really are.

My objective here is not to talk shit about cookbook authors or celebrity chefs. I'm just saying, as a knowledgeable pizza guy, that I wouldn't endorse any of the books I've read or any of the shows I've seen. They simply will not help you make a good pizza.

So it occurred to me today that I ought to make a pizza video. There are so many reasons why I should do it, and even more reasons come to mind between each word I type here. And because there are so many reasons, I'm just going to stop here for now. Once I give it some more thought, I will probably say more about it.

The main reason I should do it is because I could get it done very inexpensively and I could end up with something that might be pretty marketable. The really great thing, though, is that I think my style would probably be a lot easier to follow than any of the celebrity chefs. People could learn a lot from me without first giving a lot of effort.