Wednesday, January 16, 2008

The boy who cried 'Wolf'

I want to apologize for what may have seemed like another punk-ass bitch move on my part.

Yeah, I know you're sick of reading every couple months that I'm quitting. Some of you probably think I'm a little brat who throws a fit every time things don't go my way. And maybe you're right.

Please allow me to explain my recent outburst:

It had nothing to do with Aimless or the apparently universal lack of interest in Aimless. It had nothing to do with you, the readers of this blog. Mostly it had to do with the fact that my parents have always treated me like I'm the stupidest motherfucker on the planet, coupled with the realization that they will always see me that way, regardless of what I accomplish.

Fuck them for that. I will not apologize for how I feel about them. I'm just sorry I have to feel that way. No one should have to feel that way about their parents.

This is not a sob story; I'm not crying about it. It's simply a matter of fact. It pisses me off that my parents have fucked with my head my entire life, and sometimes that anger builds to the point where I can't help but release it, perhaps inappropriately.

If that bothers you, I hope you'll accept my apology. I'll try to keep that kind of stuff to myself in the future. (But don't count on it.)

Regarding the future of Aimless:

I will be back on the road within a couple days because 1) I'm no longer welcome here, and 2) I don't care if I ever see my parents again. (The only reason I'm still here is because I'm awaiting the shipment of a sleeping bag.)

HOWEVER, I still don't know if I'll bother taking a camcorder this time, nor am I sure if I'll take my phone. I'm starting to think I probably will take them, but I may choose not to. I don't know. And even if I do take the phone, my service may be discontinued next week anyway.

This isn't about appealing to people's emotions; it's about learning how to stay alive out there for real. (Not to suggest that it wasn't real before.) From now on, there won't be a home for me to go back to whenever I need to recover. There will only be more trying to stay alive.

All this stuff presents some questions I need to answer really damn quickly: 1) Should I complicate things further by taking a camcorder, which would demand tons of extra energy to gather footage for a movie that will probably never exist? 2) If so, what the hell am I supposed to do with the eventual accumulation of tapes?

I want to continue Aimless with 100% effort, but if I keep trying to do it all by myself, especially considering the new circumstances, I'll be dead within months. Maybe I'm better off that way.

Aimless Video Evidence
You can contact me at 614-738-3867.