The Rainforest Cafe

The Sugar Daddies took me to some mall/outlet mall in Ontario yesterday, where we ate at a joint called The Rainforest Cafe. Apparently there are about 30 of these restaurants in various cities around the country, so you may have been to one before.

Anyway, what a ripoff. Subpar food at very high prices. Basically it is snack bar food ranging from about $12 to $20 per entree. There are no extras in this restaurant to justify its outrageous prices, either. Just a stupid, expensive, fake jungle with annoying animatronic apes making a bunch of noise every 10 or 15 minutes. I have a feeling this company's shareholders are going to realize in about five or ten years that they've made a completely stupid investment. There just is nothing in this overpriced concept that would make the average customer return after their initial curiosity visit.

I certainly won't be back. But I'd love to be the guy to help them fix their doomed operation when it starts collapsing. So if there are any Rainforest Cafe execs out there reading this, puzzled about why your company's profits are declining (which may not be happening yet, but will), give me a call. I'll fix it for you. I'll fix it before it starts happening. What do you have to lose?

Aimless