Sunday, January 20, 2008

Cock rock

As I drove to and from Germantown (near Dayton) yesterday, I heard a couple songs on the radio that really caught my attention. The first one stood out for a few reasons. However, having just looked up the song's lyrics, I've concluded I must have misinterpreted it when I heard it, so I'll say nothing more about it here.

(Wow, you missed a great inaccurate critique.)

The other song played as I passed through downtown Dayton on the way home. It's a song I've probably heard at least a few times before, but for some reason it really stuck out this time.

It was a Nickelback song. It went something like this:

Boy I shor do like havin my cock sucked
Oh yeah I shor do like havin my cock sucked, baby
I want the world to know I shor do like havin my cock SAAAHHCKED,

And I'll tell y'all right now in this fake-ass deep voice
That I'm a man, yeah, I'm a MAAAAAY-AAAAAAAWN
And I'll have you know that I don't put no cocks in my mouth
I ain't no closet homo, BAY-BAAAAAAH
No, I get MY cocked sucked, yeah yeah yeah
By women, yeah yeah yeah

Suck my cock, oh yeah, suck my cock,
Cuz I do love it when you, who are female, suck my cock

(Repeat and fade)

When that song was over, they played another Nickelback song. I swear it was the same freak-uckin' song, except it didn't sound exactly the same and about three of the words were different. The second song went something like: "I like your pants around your feet and I'm certainly not a queer and don't you EVER try to imply that I take it up the ass ever again cuz I'm Nickelback, BAY-BAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!"

Do people actually buy this stuff?!? Obviously they buy the albums, but do they buy into the ridiculous tough-guy crap?

Is our society really this stupid?

This is a perfect example of why Idiocracy is one of the most brilliant movies ever made. If you have not seen Idiocracy, go rent it now or come over to my house because I recorded it on the new DVR a couple nights ago.

How old are you, Nickelback? My guess is 12.

Guess what, Nickelback. Pretty much all men enjoy having their cocks sucked by women. However, most of us don't have to tell the world over and over and over just how frequently we think about pussy. In case you missed the article in the Penthouse you stole from your dad's drawer (to make him believe you're into chicks), it's been pretty well established that heterosexual men think about pussy non-stop, OK. You're not special. Constantly thinking about pussy is what keeps our species alive.

In fact, I think about pussy so much, it has taken me 15 hours to write this post. But that's the last you'll hear me talk about how frequently I think about pussy (which I do all the time, by the way) because I don't need to prove to myself or anyone else that I'm a man.


I'm gonna shut up now because I have to think about pussy for a while.

Aimless Video Evidence
You can contact me at 614-738-3867.

Correspondence, Part II

Aimless Web Site Visitor wrote:

Thank You for taking the time to answer my questions. I would like to do something similar to what you have done in the past, with a few minor variations. One is use of a bike for greater mobility. This would allow me to use country roads versus interstates. Another problem I want to avoid is police encounter. It only takes one cop with an attitude to destroy your dreams. You were very lucky in Naples. Could you imagine what would happen if you were arrested for beating that person?

With my military background, I know how to survive off the land. Going hungry is not a big concern. I do not have a drug or drinking problem, so my dependency on town support is reduced. I just want my freedom. Without our freedom, we become puppets of the government.

How often did you take showers or a bath? Where did you take them? Keeping clean is a big concern of mine. I do not want to stand out in a crowd because of my appearance. What are your plans in the future? Are you going to hit the road or go to work with your relatives?

Again Thank You for your response. Hope to hear from you in the near future.

Aimless Web Site Visitor

And I replied:

That's cool, man. It sounds like you're planning to hit the road with essentially no money and no access to money. Does that sound right? I think that's the way to do it, even if you have plenty of money in the bank. My travels just wouldn't have been the same if I had hit the road with a big wad of cash and a credit card. In fact, I think it would have been mostly stupid, boring, and pointless.

Apparently you watched the cop encounter video. It sounds like you, as a viewer, felt like I faced potential danger from those cops. Is that how you saw it? It's hard for me to see it from the perspective of someone who wasn't there, but I never felt like I was in any kind of danger. Those guys were cool, especially the one I joked with. They were just doing their job, making sure I wasn't a perp making a run for it.

I'm squeaky clean, so I never feel like I have anything to worry about with cops. Even on the rare occasions that cops have fucked with me, I haven't felt any kind of real danger. In fact, I've been a total smart-ass with a couple of them because I know my rights and I know their limits. Bad cops only fuck with people they assume are idiots. As soon as they realize they're dealing with someone with a brain, they take off. From a distance, I fit their profile of an easy target: a drug addict or alcoholic or general loser. But when I speak (or reach for my camera), they figure out pretty quickly that they've made a poor assessment of my character, and they take off ASAP. Bad cops prey on easy targets, but they know there will be hell to pay if they fuck with the wrong person.

If there is one thing I want to you remember, it's this: You really don't need to fear cops, man, especially if you are the kind of person I envision. The bike is a big bonus for you, too. It'll give you "cred" with people, just like my decent-quality gear gives me "cred" in certain people's eyes. Even if you're out there "bumming" or tramping, the bike will give you the appearance of legitimacy/respectability. And the articulation of your communication will also protect you from predators (like bad cops) and judgmental assholes in general. Seriously, if you have nothing to hide, you'll have no problem with cops. (Plus you have no reason to hang out beside on-ramps, which seriously decreases the likelihood that you'll deal with cops at all.)

Regarding bathing:

On average I probably showered about once a week. I think the longest I went between showers was 14 days. It's not as horrible as it may sound, though. Y'see, after about a week of constant sweating and rehydration, you will have flushed out all the crap inside you that makes you stink and feel nasty. I smelled horrible after the first four days and I expected to smell horrible pretty much all the time, but after that first week or so, I could go days and days without a shower and I wouldn't stink. No bullshit. I mean, I could be a week beyond my most recent shower and I seriously would not have to worry about stinking up someone's car, because I didn't stink. It kind of freaked me out at first when I stopped stinking.

After my first week on the road, the only real hygiene issue I had was with my hair. (You may have noticed I have a lot of it.) Whenever I hadn't showered for several days, my hair would get kind of greasy and my head would start to itch. Even then, it wasn't very bad. If you have short hair or no hair, it should be very easy to keep yourself presentable.

Also, I keep a nice supply of Wet Ones or other wet wipes in my backpack. I prefer them over sanitizing gel for washing my hands because sanitizing gel leaves a strong, annoying smell. But wet wipes are also an awesome tool for keeping up hygiene when you can't get a shower. It's this simple: If you keep your armpits reasonably fresh, then you've pretty much won the hygiene battle. And you can slay both pits with just one wet wipe.

Eventually, however, you stop caring about petty things like whether or not you feel absolutely fresh. Staying alive and experiencing life is more important. Your perspective on a lot of things will change, I think for the better. You mentioned freedom... When you haven't had a shower in a week and you don't give a shit, that's freedom. One component of freedom, anyway.

To finish answering your question... Oh shit, I'm not sure I can answer it fully. Where did I get my showers? I guess usually I'd get showers when people would invite me into their homes for a night or two. Once I took a "shower" on the beach right beside the Santa Monica Pier. When you're on the road like I was, all you have to do is talk to people. And you really don't even have to do that because they'll initiate conversation with you. Your aura and your gear tells quite a story all by itself, but a lot of people want to know more about your story than they can figure out just by looking at you. So they'll ask you, and they'll listen in awe as you tell them your incredible and unique story. Some of them will ask you if you need money or food. Then, even after you've told them you don't need money or food, they'll slip you a 20 or take you somewhere for a nice meal. Others will damn near force you to stay a night or two in their home.

On the truck stop circuit, showers are easy. Truckers get one free shower for every 50 gallons of fuel they purchase. (I think most truckers burn about 200 gallons every day.) In other words, they all have more showers on their frequent fueler account than they will ever need. I think Flying J's shower system is easier than the other kinds of truck stop because it's all done through a kiosk, out of sight from most of the employees. So if you really need a shower and you see a truck stop (especially a Flying J), just go to the driver lounge and ask a few truckers if they can spare a shower. The exact terminology will vary from truck stop to truck stop. At Flying J, say something like, "By any chance do you have an extra shower on your card?" ("On your card" is the operative phrase with Flying J.) If that doesn't work, it never hurts to ask the people working there. Some of them will happily set you up with a shower.

Truckers, in general, are pretty good guys (although many of them are major assholes). A lot of them will go out of their way to help someone in need. Even the assholes will do nice things for the "right" people. (Let's just say my white skin sometimes equals "cred" at truck stops.) It really bothers me when truckers treat me kindly while at the same time spewing hateful rhetoric about "niggers" and "wetbacks" and whatnot, as if it's understood that I share their views just because I'm white. Well, I don't share their views.

Regarding my future with Aimless: I expected to be gone a day or two ago, but now things are on hold indefinitely. Man, there is nothing I want more than to operate my own pizzeria, but now that such an opportunity may be on the horizon, all I want to do is get back on the road and resume my life as a bum with a camera, even though I know it'll probably never make me any money. I have a lot of thinking to do right now.

Oh yeah, check out this blog. I met James in South Carolina. He passed me on his bike as he pedaled from New Jersey to Cape Canaveral. We talked a while, then he let me stay in his motel room that night. James is an awesome guy. I can't find his e-mail address right now, but I'm sure I have it somewhere, in case you want to contact him. He'd probably be glad to share some of his insight with you, regarding touring the country on a bike.

One more thing to consider: My lack of mobility often created the best moments of my six months on the road. When you're walking instead of driving (or biking), you see everything and you have a chance to take it all in. Like when I walked up the Pacific Coast Highway from Venice to Ventura. During that walk I witnessed my first and only live rattlesnake in the wild, only because I heard it moving. I most certainly would not have seen the snake if I'd been driving, and I probably would not have seen it if I'd been on a bike. The scenery, too. There's just so much sensory information to experience in places like the PCH. I'm just saying you might want to think about finding a place to store your bike every once in while, then hoofing it a little.

(Jeez, you're helping me write a book here. Rock on!)


Aimless Video Evidence
You can contact me at 614-738-3867.


Yesterday I received an Aimless-related e-mail from a guy named "Aimless Web Site Visitor." A simple message, he asked, "How many police encounters did you have? Could you have avoided them? How did you survive?"

I wrote a reasonably long response to Aimless Web Site Visitor last night and received a response from him this morning, to which I recently provided another long response. After thinking about it for a minute, I figured my responses to Aimless Web Site Visitor might be interesting to a few other people out there, so here is my response to Aimless Web Site Visitor's original message:

Hi Aimless Web Site Visitor,

First off, I want to thank you for showing interest in Aimless. I've put an unbelieveable amount of work into it so far, so I really appreciate when people take the time to ask questions or just comment about things.

To answer your questions:

I've had LOTS and LOTS of police encounters. I really have no idea how many, but I'd guess at least 100; probably more. Don't get the wrong idea, though; they are almost always very cool with me.

Most of the encounters occur beside on-ramps, when I'm trying to get a ride on an interstate. Sometimes cops will stop just to check out what I'm doing and to make sure I'm not running from the law or anything. Other times they stop to tell me I can't be beyond the 'No Pedestrians' sign. Every once in a LONG while, though, a cop will harass me (or "fuck with" me), probably to demonstrate his perceived power over someone he assumes is a worthless bum. But that almost never happens.

Probably the second most common type of encounter occurs in the mornings, when the sun is up and so is my tent. Early on in my travels, whenever I couldn't find a nice hidden spot to set up camp, I'd find spots where I was pretty much invisible at night but very visible in the morning. To avoid any trouble, I would force myself to get up very early and be gone before anyone had a chance to see me. After a while, though, I realized whenever someone spotted my tent in the morning, the worst thing that happened is a cop would show up and respectfully tell me to scram. Consequently, I stopped forcing myself to get up at 6:00. After I stopped worrying about it, I found that usually no one bothers me, anyway, even if I am somewhere really obvious. A few times the cops have shown up outside my tent, asked me what I was doing there, and ended up telling me I didn't have to leave.

Again, almost all cops are very cool to me. I have nothing to hide from them, and I think they tend to figure that out pretty quickly. But most of them drive right past me, anyway.

I suppose I could have avoided cops by staying away from interstate on-ramps. But usually when I choose to hitchhike by an on-ramp, it's because I don't have any other options. Whenever I'm trying to get somewhere specific and distant, I prefer to walk along the road that goes there. In those cases, usually someone will stop and offer a ride before too long. But sometimes the only road available is an interstate, so I just have to stand and wait.

Also, I have never put up my thumb to indicate I am hitchhiking. I like to think my objective is usually pretty obvious. Plus, as I learned from a Lake Mary Police officer: If my thumb is not up, the law says I'm not hitchhiking. So I can stand right beside a 'No Hitchhiking' sign and do my thing for as long as I want. They could probably get me for loitering or something, but most cops realize there's really no point.

How did I survive? I'm guessing you mean in terms of money, right?

I never ask people for money (or anything else, for that matter). But there are some really awesome, caring people out there. Usually whenever I'm out of money and food, it somehow comes to me. Some people slip me bills because they think what I'm doing is cool. Others seem to sense when I'm in need. Sometimes I go hungry for a few days. That kind of drought is rare, but it happens.

Also, there have been a couple times when I was able to work for some cash. In Florida I helped someone paint a house. And I helped a trucker unload his truck in Phoenix and LA. I have no problem working to make some cash when I'm on the road, but the opportunity rarely presents itself. (Actually, it would probably be pretty easy for me to get work lumping for truckers, but usually when I'm with truckers it's because I'm trying to get a long way in a short time.)

There have been a couple occasions when I have flown signs saying something to the effect of: "Please help a hungry traveler get some food." Yeah, I know I just said I never ask for money, and it's almost entirely true. Even though I know people will help if you only ask, it's very hard for me to beg. However, when you haven't eaten for a couple days, something motivates you to find a piece of cardboard and beg beg beg, no matter how uncomfortable it seems.

Hey, I hope that answers your questions. I could probably elaborate on some of it. If you have any other questions, feel free to ask.

Thanks again,

I'll post his response and my response to his response later or tomorrow.

By the way, I met with Mike last night about the pizza stuff. Mike's a good guy; a no-bullshit kind of guy. He already owns the building and has some pretty clear plans for his bar. I'd say the prognosis looks good, but damn I wish I could just postpone my involvement until next fall (instead of, say, right now). I really want to hit the road right now, just to be on the road. I really miss being on the road, even the constant hunger and other shitty parts of it.

Well, we'll see how it goes.

Aimless Video Evidence
You can contact me at 614-738-3867.