Sunday, January 13, 2008

An update and an introspective rant

I've fixed up the latest video. Cut over 20 seconds and improved the quality. It has the same file name as before, but here's a new link anyway.

It's going to be a little tougher for me to make the upcoming videos in a timely manner. First of all, the footage is tougher to edit than the stuff I've already done. Also, my dad is a total prickwad asshole whose #1 goal in life has been to keep me from achieving anything, so it's probably going to be difficult for me to access the computer in the coming days (or weeks?).

Y'know, I have absolutely NO training or job experience in ANY of the things I've done on this web site, including web design, graphic design, photography, videography, pizza making, pizza formulation, video editing, writing, and a shitload of other things. Furthermore, I've done it all without anyone's help (excluding the aid I've received from people on the road, which I certainly appreciate, despite what some people claim). I'm not trying to pretend I'm a master of any of these things, but I think I've done a pretty damn good job so far. There are probably only a handful of people on this planet who could do what I've already done, yet it still doesn't seem to mean anything.

God damn, I don't even care if people ever know who I am. I don't want to fuck movie stars. I just want to be able to live in my own place someday and maybe take a nice girl out on a date. I just want to do some kind of work that's valuable to someone else, whether it's my boss, my customers, or my viewers. All I want is to get paid what I'm worth. Nothing more, nothing less.

I've worked thousands and thousands of hours on this project over the last 18+ months without earning a single cent. To this day there is no guarantee that I will ever make a single cent. Additionally, I have suffered what seems to be permanent nerve damage in my left arm/hand from carrying a heavy-ass backpack for six straight months.

Who else does that?

And my parents have always believed I'm a worthless idiot. No evidence to the contrary will ever change that. By the way, my parents are fucking pieces of shit who could have capitalized big-time on this worthless idiot's talents if they weren't so fucking stupid. That's all I have to say about them right now because I didn't intend for this to be a bitchfest.

Anyway, I spend a lot of time on the edge of tears. I've given my heart, my soul, and some of the feeling in my left hand in an effort to do something great, and apparently all I can do is hope I'll get something back from it.

To the people who have supported me: Thank you. (I know who you are and you know who you are.) I hope you realize how much I appreciate your support.

To the people who are more inclined to call me ungrateful and twist my words into shit I never said: It would be a waste of energy to say 'Fuck you.'


Oh yeah, and I bowled my first 300 four years ago today. (No one taught me how to do that, either.)

I probably had other shit to say, too.

Aimless Video Evidence
You can contact me at 614-738-3867.