Some thoughts about liars

I've always been fascinated with people who can't keep their lies straight. You know who I'm talking about: the people who tell you a story about some grand event in their life one day and then tell you about it again sometime in the future, except it's completely different the second time.

Like Patrick Johnson, the guy for whom I was doing a favor when I left Ohio in November.

When I met Patrick (who wears an eye patch over one eye socket and likes to call himself 1-Eye Jack), he was quick to tell me the story about how he lost his eye. He said it happened when an elephant went wacko at a circus in Hawaii. According to Patrick, it was the incident we've all seen on shows such as When Animals Attack, where an elephant decided one day he just didn't want to play along with the circus people anymore. The elephant began rampaging around the small arena, forcing spectators to scatter before finding its way outside, where it continued to charge. Yes, Patrick told me he lost his eye to that elephant at that event.

Several months later, however, after I agreed to help Patrick transport some stuff across the country, he told the story again. But this time it wasn't an elephant that caused him to lose his eye. It was a car accident. So now the story is that Patrick lost his eye after falling asleep at the wheel of a moving automobile.

That's the story the other two guys already knew.

I just can't understand why people lie like that. And it's not the lie itself that puzzles me. The thing that really puzzles me is that they can't keep their lies straight. If you possess the ability to tell anyone such a ridiculous lie, what's the point in ever changing your story? Why tell one person the truth while telling another person the lie? What are you hoping to accomplish by telling the lie, anyway? And is it really that difficult to remember who you've already lied to?

I think the best question, though, is: Do you really think people are that stupid? I don't mean stupid enough to believe your story; I mean stupid enough not to realize that at least one of the stories is a lie, once you've told the same person two drastically conflicting stories about the same event.

That's not the only thing Patrick lied about to me. He lied about pretty much everything. To lure me into helping his pathetic, desperate ass, he lied about what my role would be, and he consciously neglected to mention a lot of conditions that he knew might cause me to turn him down.

And what did he get out of it?

Here's what he got out of it: Three days into the trip, he lost the person who saved his ass and made it possible for him to even begin the trip. He completely lost the respect of someone who could have become a very valuable ally. And if he doesn't pay me for my work really soon, he's going to learn that the IRS doesn't take kindly to being ripped off, which will cost him a lot more than the $350 he owes me. But if that's the way he wants it, well, he gets it.

Update: 02/09/2007 - I just registered on e-bay, solely for the purpose of leaving some feedback about "1eye-jack" (Patrick Johnson). I was going to say something simple and to-the-point: "I did some work for this guy in November 2006. He still has not paid me." But apparently you can't leave feedback about anyone unless you've actually bought something from them or sold something to them. That's stupid; buyers and sellers are not the only people involved in these exchanges.

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