Waiting

I don't know what to think about the fact that I still haven't heard anything from Peacock (NBC). I've sent a couple e-mails to the person who contacted me--one a couple weeks ago and another a couple weeks before that--asking if she's heard anything from the New York office. She responded to each of my messages, assuring me that she'll let me know what's up as soon as she knows anything.

I don't even know her position in the company. I don't know if she is an intern or a producer or what. But I do know she called me immediately after seeing the Aimless web site. (Visitor logs and IP address make it very clear.) In her voice mail message, she also sounded somewhat excited, as if she'd just experienced a profound Eureka! moment. I get the feeling she knows something but just isn't allowed to tell me anything. So I guess I still have good reason to feel optimistic about this thing.

The more I think about it, the more I realize I am the only person remotely qualified to do this job, especially if their vision resembles my Aimless vision. I'm not necessarily the most interesting or the most camera-friendly "host." I don't have the most pleasant voice, nor am I as witty as some TV hosts. But this job requires a lot more than just a pretty face and a nice voice. It does require a certain degree of proficiency in each of those areas, but most of all it requires balls. It requires street smarts and fearlessness. It requires personability and the capacity to comfortably mingle with individuals from every social strata, from homeless junkies to high society. It requires living in extreme poverty, with no privacy, no time off for your brain to process thoughts, and no comfort whatsoever for months. It requires staying off drugs and alcohol, which is a very uncommon trait among the people who lead that kind of life. It requires skills and personality traits that I've already demonstrated like no one else, and that's just the beginning. So in essence, I am the producers' ticket into secretive hitchhiking subcultures. I am their guide. I am their guy.

This uncertainty is really starting to wear on me, though, especially because I've been dealing with a very annoying illness for several weeks. And even though I think I'm almost over it, I'm starting to worry that I may be developing a neurological disorder. Consequently, this opportunity becomes more meaningful to me every day.

I really want this to happen. It's not even about money or prospective fame. I see it as an opportunity for me to teach people things no one else can teach them. I've paid my dues, having already suffered permanent physical damage to my body, and I just want it to mean something. I've worked so hard, both physically and mentally, to try to invent a unique and original entertainment genre, and I really hope I am on the verge of realizing the most unlikely success. I need this.

Other than a handful of people, I don't know who reads this blog. I know there are some regular lurkers out there, but I don't know who you are. You probably all think I'm a major prick; I know I often come off that way, particularly when I'm on the road losing my mind (which is inevitable, by the way). But I'm actually a pretty good guy, and I hope I have some support out there.

Within a few days I'll probably post the resume I sent to Peacock. It's very unique and interesting. I may alter the date of that post to make it show up below this one, so keep an eye out.

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Aimless
Aimless Video Evidence