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Surely some of you think I'm an asshole for how I reacted to Jan Gee. Of course, you weren't there, so you don't have enough information to make a judgment either way. But here's one thing I know: When you offer something to someone without first asking for something in return, that person owes you NOTHING! When I share my food or money with homeless people (like I often do), I don't expect anything in return, nor do they owe me anything in return. If I expect anything in return, THAT makes me selfish. That is exactly what Jan Gee did. All he gave me was a ride a few miles. I didn't need it, nor did I ask for it. I'm down to 153 lbs because I don't have enough for myself; I'm hungry almost all the time because I don't have enough for myself. I have $11 in my pocket right now. I bought 2 donuts because I was starving, and that stupid fuck has the nerve to call me selfish?! He has the
nerve to expect me to share what little I have with him?! I don't think so. I don't need his kind.
Ryan, you will take what you want from your experiences, and you will make them into whatever you wish. Surely, however, people do not see you how you see yourself in every experience. In this case, I think that it would have been a kind gesture to buy enough donuts to share with him, as well, and it would have meant a lot to him, because you were really hungry and still shared with him. It would have made him feel better about helping a stranger, because it would have affirmed his belief that you are a good person. That's all. It seemed that he just didn't like the fact that you ate in front of him while he was transporting you somewhere, and he decided not to take you any further. How you learn from that situation is up to you, but not everyone sees it your way. I know that there are some people who have lived in what we wealthy Americans would call "poverty conditions" all their lives who would give up one of their daily meals to feed a stranger in need, if he seemed like a kind enough or pitiful enough person. I also believe that those people would expect to receive kindness in return. Even if they do not expect material goods or services in return they expect to be treated with kindness in return. I usually don't classify people into "good" or "bad" people, because I know from my own experiences that one single good gesture can have a really strong positive effect, even when it follows a life of mostly bad deeds. The same goes for a person who commits one single bad gesture and creates waves of negative effects, even after it follows a life of mostly good deeds. Life in every breath, my friend. Forgive me if it seems like I am trying to "Jesus you". I don't think of myself as being qualified to be your teacher, because I am your friend, but I do think that I am qualified to offer you my own perspective to allow you the chance to see things in a different way. You know me. I don't call myself a Christian, but I was raised in that kind of environment, and there are some parts of that experience that I really appreciate. I do believe that what you do comes back to you, and I know that you believe that too. No human is perfect. That's one quality about us that makes us human in the first place, and it's okay if we don't always make the best decision whenever we must choose, but in this case I think you could have chosen differently. If you had chosen differently, then the results could have been more positive, I think. You can be selfish, just as I can be selfish, but I don't think of either you or me as purely selfish. It's good, I think, to keep that in mind when judging other people for their actions.
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